[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
The Queen tweets her way through London’s Opening Ceremonies
LONDON — Through a little investigative journalism here, and a little bribe there, this reporter was able to obtain the royal jewel of news: The Queen’s Tweets.
Unbeknownst to most of the world, her majesty has a secret Twitter account and, since 2009, has become an avid contributor under the codename IntrntHpstr.
We have the exclusive and complete list of tweets seen here first:
How many twits does it take to get an old woman up the stairs? Really!
@ME: Remind urself to get a manicure
Ooooh! I luv Mr. Bean!! He makes me LOL
@ME: I’m gunna live 4ver! I’m gunna learn how to fly! Queen!
I shldve worn a Pippa dress
They should have a gold medal for living the longest. Sry Charles.
Can anyone tell me what the devil is going on?
@Charles: Where’s my beer? And don’t tell me I have to drink bloody Heineken. I’m the queen, remember?
And now they should have a gold medal for the longest, queerest opening ceremony. Where’s Mr. Bean?
By the way World…I really jumped out of that heli. Oh yeah!
Upon receiving this golden nugget of secrets, we felt it our duty to share this strangely endearing side of a royal family often viewed as out of touch with the rest of the normal world. Long live the Queen of Tweets! Long live the Intrnt Hpstr!
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