[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Michael Phelps hopes “Bong-ercise” makes a big splash
22-time Olympic medal winner Michael Phelps made a big splash today announcing his comeback to competitive swimming.
“When I have a need for speed I turn to weed,” said Phelps, then giggled as he explained, “In fact I’m high right now and rhymes make giggle.”
The workouts will include a chapter entitled, “If You Take a Hit, You Won’t Quit.” Phelps said it’s one of his favorite training regimes.
Phelps: “You have a friend or coach place donuts or potato chips at each end of the pool. You then take a giant bong hit. Trust me, the munchies will do the rest.”
Added Phelps: “And, guys, let me tell you, I can’t guarantee ‘Bong-ercise’ will make you more virile, but I can’t tell you how times I’ve been asked ‘is that a bong in your Speedos or are you just glad to see me?’”
Phelps said he believed using marijuana was one of the reasons for his athletic longevity, pointing out, “The only joint pain I have is when I don’t have a joint.”
Mr. Phelps chose not to take any questions, instead choosing to ask reporters, “So, dudes, what do you think about me swimming in dreadlocks?”
Also see this oldie-but-goodie fake news piece from March, 2009: Phelps Holds Little Known Bonging Gold.
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