News bytes from the last month
Jeb Bush announces candidacy for President – The head political office of the U.S. is now going back to the Bush Leagues.
Rachel Dolezal, a white person, pretended to be black and became head of the Spokane Washington NAACP and now has stepped down making true the statement “Once you go black you hate to go back.”
Hurricane Bill threatens the Texas coast. Hurricane Rick Perry threatens the entire country.
The Jurassic World movie reboot sets record for opening week for a movie – who ever knew dinosaurs could reincarnate?
Red China hacks U.S. governmental employee files – wait a minute! Aren’t these the same people assembling our computers? Scary!!!
Texas hit by floods – The same state that a few months ago had a massive drought. Them folks musta been prayin’ much too hard for rain.
Republican candidates for Presidency line up for their chance at the crown – It’s like having a chess game where 30 of the pieces are black and only two are white.
Al-Bashir, the former dictator of Sudan, is almost arrested and held for war crimes in South Africa – “Me? Arrested? Why, I thought imprisonment and detention was only for the little people with no political status!”
Senator Bernie Sanders announces his running for President. Hillary Clinton, remembering Obama’s unexpected rise in the 2008 election, starts taking prescription pills for a nervous ulcer.
In order to rid themselves of a moth invasion at the London Natural History Museum the curators are turning the moths gay by spreading a powder with female moth hormones on it that gets rubbed on the moths as they travel about and make the male moths try to mate with other males. Could the Russians be spreading a variant of this on humans in America and Europe?
A man in Dubai was sued in court for $48,000 for insulting a recipient in an email. I personally really hate these mother-*%&^#’s and their stupid-*#@$% bull&^%$#$*! They should have their @%$# cut off and stuffed up their %&$#*&…..wait a moment….excuse me. I have an email coming in from overseas……..
In an effort to confront a huge, imagined threat from the black race in America, Dylann Roof is greeted and welcomed into a black church, courteously allowed to join a prayer meeting and shortly thereafter shoots the people present, probably while their eyes are closed in prayer. Yeah Dylann, that is really ridding America of dangerous people. Older people in a church. Praying. Do you shoot caged rabbits too because they might bite you?
Bernie Sanders enters the Presidential race (Part 2)- What will the Republicans find to complain and belittle about him? Maybe the fact that he is Socialist? Naw, they would never think of that! Forget I even mentioned it.
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!