My Favorite U.S. Senator Declares Dumb is Good for You

Dumb is good for you, says Louisiana Senator John Kennedy, but eating kale can be bad.

Thanks to my favorite Republican U.S. Senator, John Neely Kennedy, I’ve stopped eating a thing called kale, not that I really liked it anyway, because this particular cabbage was too good for me.

Dumb is good for you
John Kennedy at a 2016 rally with his idol. Image by Tammy Anthony Baker,

In his latest pearls of wisdom, the astute Kennedy advises that, “High IQ stupid people walk around with ziplock bags of kale that they can eat to give them energy.” Kennedy should know, since he’s a regular man of the people and modestly shields the fact he’s actually an Oxford-educated lawyer so as to not give citizens the wrong impression that somebody so highbrow has allowed himself to become fixated with something as weird as kale. He prefers to exude a “dumb is good for you” message.

The Louisiana Senator added that “if you want to eat kale, that’s up to you. I don’t eat kale.” In a remark that seems to make perfect sense, Kennedy explained that the reason he doesn’t eat kale is because “kale tastes to me like I’d rather be fat.”

So, thank goodness, if I think I understand what he means, rather than eating kale which supposedly would leave me starving to death, I might as well enjoy life for as long as it lasts indulging in all sorts of junk food that makes me fulfilled like greasy double cheeseburgers, French fries and onion rings, along with strawberry cheesecake milkshakes, and butter pecan ice cream, after devouring a full sausage pizza pie.

In all the time before I ate kale (rhymes with email), I never knew what it actually was or gave it a moment’s thought of what it allegedly could do to me, like cut down on inflammation and cholesterol, but who cares about better health if it leaves you craving for more appetizing food?

Now that he’s called it to my attention about how kale affects your system, I’ll never eat another bunch of the leafy stuff and I join Senator Kennedy in recommending everyone else do likewise.

Continuing with his good counsel while campaigning for who turned out to be the losing candidate for U.S. Senator from Georgia, Herschel Walker, Kennedy said “high IQ stupid people have an answer for everything. You know why? Because they think they’re smarter and more virtuous than the American people.”

As a member of the American people, it’s wise folks like Senator Kennedy I should offer my gratitude to for allowing me to choose what I really happily should be — dumb as a post.

In another of his folksy remarks for which he’s known for and why he must be my favorite Senator, Kennedy told a rally of Walker supporters that it’s easy to spot “these woke high IQ stupid people.” For one thing, employing his obviously favorite expression, he said “high IQ stupid people” hate the founders of America, such as George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. Not only that, Kennedy said, these eggheads also hate Dr. Seuss and Mr. Potato Head. Speaking of the latter, there’s a long list of other cartoon characters Kennedy could also have mentioned that high IQ stupid types hate, such as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Dumbo, Goofy, and Donald Duck, not to mention Bozo the Clown.

Among other things Kennedy equates as no good for the country must be yoga mats since “the berserk wing of the Democratic Party…hyperventilate on their yoga mats” when it hears someone dare to use pronouns like he and she instead of they when referring to a transgender person.

Personally, I never liked doing yoga all that much since it can be hard on my previously kale-saturated skeleton-thin, weakling body. But now, with Senator Kennedy’s permission, I guess I won’t have to carefully watch my words when referring to a trans person as he or she, and not they. That’s one less thing to worry about, other than encountering hyperventilating berserk people on yoga mats.

Speaking of pronouns, Herschel Walker said he didn’t know what a pronoun like “they” actually was. Which must mean that in his daily life he apparently doesn’t bother using pronouns.

Meanwhile, Senator Kennedy also had time to put Barack Obama and the left-wing “woke” media in the same sentence, cleverly saying that if the former President told “many members of the media to go join the Taliban, they’d say, ‘Where’s the line?’” in wanting to sign up as quickly as possible with the fundamentalist militant group now in power in Afghanistan.

Yes, as I watch TV, I do see many male members of the radical media, obvious Taliban sympathizers, following the Taliban dress code in long, loose tops and trousers along with a turban and full beard, while the female media are fully covered in hijabs and burkas. I always thought there was something fishy about how the biased media can’t wait to talk to a Taliban elder about what’s happening in Afghanistan.

From that, we can assume from no less an authority than Senator Kennedy that the media is in league with the Taliban. The next thing you know is that Kennedy, who undeniably has classified top-secret information about this subject being a U.S. Senator, might reveal the blockbuster news that Barack Obama is a Muslim, born in Kenya and plainly not a real true-blooded American. When did we ever hear that one before?

Eric Green