Things are closing in on this ex-president & there’s only one way to escape prison time!
Like all filled with narcissistic shame, Donald Trump spent countless days & nights thinking up ways to end it all and escape prison time, instead of getting convicted for… oh, G-d, let me count the ways!
Trump’s Top 10 Ideas to Escape Prison Time
10. He’ll stand in the middle of 5th avenue during rush hour & hail a speeding off-duty taxi!
9. He’ll superglue his hands to his throat!
8. He’ll tell Melania to go pick some poison mushrooms!
7. When he finally has a vasectomy – the doctor slips on a grease spot!
6. He’ll stay in his tanning bed way too long & ‘orangutans orange’ becomes ‘campfire black’!
5. He’ll play 10 rounds of golf in one scorching day – 1 diet coke!
4. He’ll win ‘the Guiness Book of Records’ for most burgers eaten at 2 am & call for his mommy!
3. He’ll go to Vegas, put his last million on ‘red’ & get carried out on a stretcher – brain dead!
2. He’ll borrow Don Jr’s rifle, but accidently shoots him in his ‘arrogance’ – finally losing his voice & balls!
And #1 – He’ll get ‘the ultimate liposuction procedure’ at the spa & Disappears!