[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

A World Cup Controversy

Former White House resident Donald Trump declares a World Cup controversy “like none you’ve ever seen.”

On December 3rd Netherlands defeated the United States 3-1 in a FIFA World Cup Round of 16 match. Or did they? Not according to former President Donald Trump.

World Cup controversy
International Elvises trying to make the World Cup great again. Image by jasonwhat, flickr.com.

Yesterday, in a hastily called press conference, Trump stunned reporters by declaring a “World Cup controversy.” He claimed that the U.S. team had won the match “bigly,” but the game was stolen from the Americans. He announced that he is insisting on a recount of the goals scored by both teams.

“I watched the game while eating the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake and while there were fine players on both sides, the American team played unbelievably well despite the fact that they were all suffering from bone spurs. I have no doubt that we won.”

The former president also accused the Netherlands of cheating as he claimed that they had players from both the Netherlands AND Holland on their team when all the athletes are supposed to be from the same country. He referred to this as Double Dutching which he said was tremendously unfair.

Trump also stated that “all the referees were from sh*thole socialist countries that treated the American players very unfairly, that I can tell you.”

He then went on to say that he was demanding “a complete shutdown of Neverlanders entering the United States until the game is replayed or until the U.S. is just declared the winner.”

“I have nothing against the Dutch people,” he added. “We even have some living in our great state of Pennsylvania. I have a great relationship with the Dutch. I have always had a great relationship with the Dutch. They like me and I like them. I was a bit miffed when they refused to sell us Greenland, but I’ve been to the Netherlands many times and it’s a beautiful country. Copenhagen is an amazing city. And they have a House of Orange which I like as orange is my favorite color. They also have nice ovens, I’m told.”

“But we need to reverse the results of the Netherlands/U.S. game” he cried. “Then the American team can win the World Cup like we did in the 2018 FIFA tournament when I was president. That football team, which was captained by Hershel Walker, beat France in the finals. A lot of people don’t know that.”

The former president concluded the press conference by stating that having the U.S. team win would make the World Cup great again.

USA, USA, USA!

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