Hollywood to Kill Bruce Wayne’s Parents Again, Filmmaker Promises

According to the origin story, young Bruce Wayne saw his parents brutally murdered, which influenced his life as an avenger.

Speaking anonymously so as not to break any contractual agreements, a famous big budget filmmaker has promised that Hollywood is not done yet with Bruce Wayne’s parents who, for the last 30+ years, have been mugged and murdered on the big screen in front of little Bruce.

Bruce Wayne, Batman
Bruce Wayne, aka Batman, public domain.

“We’ve witnessed the event in countless blockbuster films and even saw it happen in the first episode of Gotham, but there’s so much more to explore regarding the grisly crime that led one otherwise privileged boy to become the mysterious Dark Knight who protects his desperate, depraved and crime ridden city.”

For example, the filmmaker pondered aloud, “What performance or show did the Waynes see in the theater and what does that say about Mr. Wayne’s taste for the arts? Was little Bruce Gotham’s biggest brat before he was subsequently raised by the strong yet doting Alfred? Were the Waynes really philanthropic humanitarians or did they actually have it coming? After all, some say had Mrs. Wayne simply given up her precious pearls a little quicker, perhaps she’d still be alive.”

The filmmaker continued. “What did the perpetrator do with his day before the night he confronted the Waynes in the ominous alley where the couple ultimately met their fate, and was the Gotham gunman truly responsible for the act, or does society share most of the blame? All these questions can only be answered if we, once again (at least!), have Batman’s folks brutally gunned down on screen, and do so in 4K.”

The filmmaker stressed the importance of familiarity and continuity when asked about potential castings for the next film, whenever it may be, which will inevitably be a box office smash.

“I think it’s important we try to have one of the actors who played little Bruce in the past once again take on the role. That way we can be sure it’s extremely traumatic and real for the young star. Having him relive the tragic and nightmarish event he undoubtedly spent a lot of time playing over and over again in his head, and surely lost many nights of sleep over, will ensure we craft a true to life, genuinely moving drama.”

As of this writing, DC Studios has not revealed any details about the next addition to the Batman franchise.

Derek Postlewaite