Mick Jagger: Jerry Duncan Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Mick Jagger.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Sure is. Today on the show my guest is The Rolling Stones lead singer Mick Jagger.

MICK JAGGER

Thanks for the introduction, mate. I’m still cool at 80 years old.

JERRY

So is Paul McCartney.

MICK

Yeah. He’s the oldest species of Beetles.

JERRY

I bet you don’t know a horse’s favorite Beatles song.

MICK

Nah.

JERRY

Hay chewed.

MICK

I always heard you were nuts. Now I know.

JERRY

I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, Mickey.

JERRY

How did you get the name The Rolling Stones?

MICK

Sure. When I was 10 years old, I was watching cartoons on the tube and felt sharp pains in me lower back. My mum panicked and drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital. Good thing she did, because the doctor said, “You got stones. Rolling stones.”

JERRY

Man, you’ve been performing for 6 decades. Have 32 singles in the top 10 and 70 singles in the top 40 just in the U.S. and U.K. alone.

MICK

I’m worth $500 million dollars. When I tickled my little kids I would say, “Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.”

JERRY

You had 8 kids to tickle.

MICK

I did.

JERRY

5 different women.

MICK

I guess. Who’s counting?

JERRY

I am. The longest relationship was with model Jerry Hall. 22 years and 4 children together. Never married. Why?

MICK

Jerry was 6 feet. She was my exercise babe. I got exhausted climbing her, so I replaced Queen Skinny with a peloton.

JERRY

You also cheated. Had a 7th child with a Brazilian model.

MICK

Hey, the Titanic went down in 60 seconds. Let that sink in for a minute, Duncan.

JERRY

Let’s talk about longtime band guitarist Keith Richards. I understand you two met in school when you were both 7 years old.

MICK

It’s true. We were classmates in Dartford, England. But didn’t reunite until 11 years later in 1961. Keith and I started the band.

JERRY

And wrote the songs together. Hits like This May Be The Last Time, Satisfaction, and Brown Sugar.

MICK

Yep.

JERRY

Did you write your best songs when you were high?

MICK

We did. Lots of drugs in the 60’s. LSD parties with the Moody Blues and other rockers. Keith was addicted to heroin and I served prison time for possession. I said to the cop, “I’m on drugs and you’re the one talking to dogs.” I don’t like people who take drugs. For example airport security.

JERRY

I’m convinced that Dracula would never bite you.

MICK

Why?

JERRY

Because you can’t get blood out of a stone. Mick Jagger everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.