Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Buckwheat of “Our Gang” and “The Little Rascals.”
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Through the magic of a hologram, live from heaven my guest is Buckwheat of Our Gang and The Little Rascals.
JERRY
Hey, my man. Spanky and Alfalfa were supposed to bring you a dozen donuts from my mother.
BUCKWHEAT
They did, but Chubby ate dem.
JERRY
What? All dozen?
BUCKWHEAT
Uh huh. And he ate Panky and Alpalpa.
JERRY
My condolences. You’ll get more donuts.
BUCKWHEAT
Okie dokie. I like dat.
JERRY
What is your job in heaven?
BUCKWHEAT
I count how many times Trump lies.
JERRY
You mean he’s going to hell?
BUCKWHEAT
Dat’s what the boss man say.
JERRY
What’s the biggest lie Trump told?
BUCKWHEAT
Dat he’s smart. Trump say, “I know more about ISIS than the generals. Believe me!” And den he lied and say, “Buckwheat grew up, became a Muslim and changed his name to “Kareem of Wheat.”
JERRY
(laughs) It’s just a joke.
BUCKWHEAT
O-tay, maybe. But da Trumpster’s wife’s armpits are so hairy dat it looks like she has me in a headlock.
JERRY
How long were you in The Little Rascals?
BUCKWHEAT
10 years.
JERRY
That’s a lot films, fella.
BUCKWHEAT
52 shorts, Bumpkin.
JERRY
It’s Duncan, you idiot. Jerry Duncan.
BUCKWHEAT
O-tay, Berry Duncan. Meet the one and only Betty Boop.
JERRY
Berry? The man is hopeless.
BETTY BOOP
Hello Mr. Duncan.
JERRY
Call me Jerry, babe.
BOOP
Okay Jerry Babe.
JERRY
Betty. Your head is so big, your ears are in different time zones.
BOOP
You hurt my feelings. I’m a star.
JERRY
Star? You have a big head. It’s so big that if you did fly, the airlines would charge you an extra $25 to bring it aboard.
BOOP
Wise guy! I’m the person who put sexy in women’s fashion. Short skirt, low top, high heels.
JERRY
You’re a Donald Trump fantasy.
BOOP
Are you talking about the orange president who looks like he has a squirrel sitting on top of his head?
JERRY
That’s the dude.
BOOP
I need an Alka-Seltzer. The thought makes me cringe.
JERRY
Betty. What’s the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?
BOOP
Have no clue.
JERRY
If Trump gets Alzheimer’s his IQ will go up.
BOOP
One hundred percent. I took too long to answer cause I was dancing to the ringtone on my cell phone.
JERRY
You’re the crazy aunt your family warned about.
BOOP
Don’t mess with me. My friend Popeye will be waiting to punch your lights out when you get to heaven.
JERRY
Oh yeah? Tell Popeye to shove that corn cob pipe up his ass.
JERRY
Buckwheat and Betty Boop. See you tomorrow everyone.
BOOP
Boop – oop – a – doop.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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