[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Intense Campaign Negativity Creates Huge Psychic Vortex Over Atlantic

Northeast ‘Frankenstorm’ may have genesis in nasty campaign battle

The heat generated by the campaign battle between the two rivaling political parties vying for the U.S. Presidency has unleashed unforeseen consequences. The constant turbulence from partisan hatred, scandalous accusations, frictional debate and just plain pissedness has caused a massive psychic turbulence that has formed over Washington and moved out over the Atlantic Ocean, where it has congealed into a monstrous whirlwind which threatens to be the Mother of all hurricanes.

Frankenstorm caused by campaign
Frankenstorm. By George Takei in IbTimes.com.

Mankind has long been ignorant of the actual power that thoughts and emotions have behind the illusionary veil of everyday life. When powerful enough, these inner forces of man can get to a level of strength that can manifest in the physical world with dynamic effect. What is especially not understood is the way these forces tend to boomerang back to those who created them.

Scientists were aware — well ahead of the arrival of this hurricane — of the tremendous destructive force it would have. Not wanting to excite the public, they gave it the nice puppy dog name of Sandy “to keep people from pooping their pants.”

Spiritualists, however, knew that Sandy was randy and a super whammy was coming, and that it had Washington, D.C. in its sites. They could see with spiritual eyes the negative energies put out by all the accusations of socialism thrown at the Democrats in this campaign, and the corporate Fascist mantras hurled against the Republicans, the tar baby racisms against the Obama’s and the homo slanders thrown at the Romney and Ryanites, the 47% talk against the liberals and the 1% gobble against the conservatives, all conjoining in a great swirl that went from being the Perfect Storm of political jousting to being the Perfect Storm of Armageddon.

This storm of the century has changed course, and is headed right for the D.C. area. Populations in surrounding areas have been evacuated, but evil Anarchistic forces within the metro Washington area have hijacked the media machines there and told the people to stay put and not leave, that everything would be alright and that the storm would not hit them.

Politicians who should have known better were also assured that Washington had sufficient defenses against the waves and winds. The assurers, however, were devious foreign agents set on destruction. They wanted to take out the core of power in America and this was the perfect opportunity. The perimeters of the city have been sandbagged, but not to keep water out, rather to keep citizens in.

Religionists have caught on to the idea, and are using it in pulpits to keep their followers following. “You have sinned and this storm is God’s wrath set out upon you,” and “This is what happens when you support abortion and gay sex! Remember Sodom and Gomorrah? This is Schenectady and Greenwich Village!” have been preached from the pulpit. Their churches are full, but mostly with people just trying to get in somewhere secure where there is no rain.

Washington now exists only as a dot on old maps. On the plus side, many religionists were caught by the storm as well and now exist only as dots on the pavement. Also on the plus side, we won’t be having any political campaign contests rammed down our throats 24/7 for a long, long time.

Answer the HT “Silly Poll”: What caused the Frankenstorm?