Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news and headlines don’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Secret Service threatened to shoot Mr. Met if he got close to President Clinton, book says
Yeah, like anyone involved with the Mets could hit anything.
Jaden Smith lands a role as a cross dressing slave
It should be called “12 Years a Slave to Fashion.”
Rapper Andre Johnson severed his penis, jumped off a building and survived
From now on he will be known as just Andre, no Johnson.
Has Apple maps found the Loch Ness Monster?
Yes, but in Lake Michigan.
Star Wars’ set spotted in Abu Dhabi
Really? Sounds more like the place to film the Flintstones.
Stephen Colbert’s ‘Late Show’ Deal Slammed by Rush Limbaugh
Proving Rush is the 800 pound irrelevant in the room.
Sugar is 8X more addictive than cocaine
What that tells you is researchers used some really shitty coke.
Tennessee must recognize marriages of three same-sex couples: Judge
It would be so much easier for Tennessee if they were all 1st cousins.
Chris Christie drops 100 Pounds
Or, the equivalent of 1 and 1/2 Olsen twins.
Mysterious new man-made gases pose threat to ozone layer
And, I swear I sat next to this guy on a bus.
Document called ‘The Gospel of Jesus’s Wife’ likely real
CBS is thinking of making it into a series called ‘How I Met Your Martyr.’
Fox News’ panel on ‘Race In America’ consisted of only white people
In fairness, a couple had tans.