Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Joan Rivers, legendary comedienne, dies at 81
Although her nose was only 22, her cheekbones 12 and her boobs 33.
CeeLo Green deletes Twitter account following rape comments
Apparently, CeeLo is short for Cee How Lo One Person Will Go.
Mike Ditka on Redskins controversy: ‘It’s all the political correct idiots in America’
Spoken like a true Polack.
4-year-old ruins baby sitter’s plan to blame robbery on black man
Why her parents trusted her with Darryl Issa is another story.
CVS stops selling cigarettes
Now people are going to have to get one the old fashioned way, bumming it off a teenage girl.
Miss Spain Patricia Yurena comes out as lesbian
To any guy complaining, stop it, you have exactly the same shot with her, gay or not gay.
Former Rep. Eric Cantor lands big bucks new job on Wall Street
So, although, he may no longer be a Congressman, he can now afford to buy one.
75 questions Toronto Mayor Rob Ford hasn’t answered
Number 1: How do you to take meth and put on weight?
BP was just found grossly negligent in the gulf oil spill disaster
On the up side, people can still just back up to the gulf to fill ‘er up.
Police are investigating the armed robbery of a Taco Bell minutes
This could take awhile. The perps now have plenty of gas.
Ted Cruz preparing run for President in 2016
When did Canada become part of Kenya?
Nick Cannon concerned about Mariah’s mental state
Nick, her going out with you in the first place wasn’t a clue?