Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. My guest today is former Beatle Paul McCartney.
PAUL MCCARTNEY
How they hanging?
JERRY
Fair and square. How’s your pair?
PAUL
Uptight, out of sight. Hey, that would make a good song title.
JERRY
Sorry, Mate. Stevie Wonder wrote it. Cha-Ching. Made lots of money.
JERRY
Your show biz career started before The Beatles.
PAUL
Who?
JERRY
You. You’re a Beatle.
PAUL
Sorry. I thought you said needle. I’m trying this Chinese thing.
JERRY
It’s called heroin.
PAUL
No, Duncan. Acupuncture.
JERRY
I did acupuncture last year. Didn’t get the point.
JERRY
You’re 78 years old. You started in the music business when you were 15. Played the bass in a group called the Quarrymen where you met John Lennon.
PAUL
Yeah. John was the lead guitarist. And George Harrison joined a year later.
JERRY
You fellas started getting popular by imitating Elvis Presley. Shaking your hips and shaggy hair.
PAUL
Funny you mention Elvis.
JERRY
Why?
PAUL
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses. It will be for people who “love meat tender.” What do you think?
JERRY
Don’t quit your day job.
PAUL
You’re no fun.
JERRY
In 1960, the Quarrymen became the Beatles. Was Ringo Starr in the group?
PAUL
Name sounds familiar.
JERRY
Ringo…the drummer, stupid-looking guy.
PAUL
Ah, yes. That Ringo. He told me a sad story. His father always carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet. It gets worse. When Ringo told his mother he joined The Beatles, she sprayed him with Raid.
JERRY
Eww.
JERRY
The Beatles had hit after hit. I Saw Her Standing There, And I Love Her, Yesterday, Eleanor Rigby, Blackbird.
PAUL
John and I wrote them all. We were together for 10 years.
JERRY
Then came 1970. The group disbanded.
PAUL
And I formed a new group called Wings. Had a dozen international top 10 singles and albums. Hits like Band on the Run, Silly Love Songs, Live and Let Die.
JERRY
I Have A Little Dreidel?
PAUL
What?
JERRY
Maybe that was Neil Diamond. Bob Dylan? Don Rickles?
PAUL
Let me finish bragging. I have 32 songs that topped Billboard Hot 100, two inductions into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as the the Beatles and solo artist, 18 Grammy Awards.
JERRY
Bla, bla, bla.
PAUL
Did I mention I was knighted by Queen Elizabeth? I’m Sir James Paul McCartney.
JERRY
So what? My mother told me I was knighted at birth. I’m Sir Cumcised.
JERRY
Tell me something I don’t know about Paul McCartney.
PAUL
When I was married to model Heather Mills, I hid her prosthetic leg after a heated argument. I felt really bad. How could I be such a jerk?
JERRY
So what did you do?
PAUL
I took her to IHOP.
JERRY
See you tomorrow.
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The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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