Jerry Duncan Interviews Paul McCartney - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. My guest today is former Beatle Paul McCartney.

PAUL MCCARTNEY

How they hanging?

JERRY

Fair and square. How’s your pair?

PAUL

Uptight, out of sight. Hey, that would make a good song title.

JERRY

Sorry, Mate. Stevie Wonder wrote it. Cha-Ching. Made lots of money.

JERRY

Your show biz career started before The Beatles.

PAUL

Who?

JERRY

You. You’re a Beatle.

PAUL

Sorry. I thought you said needle. I’m trying this Chinese thing.

JERRY

It’s called heroin.

PAUL

No, Duncan. Acupuncture.

JERRY

I did acupuncture last year. Didn’t get the point.

JERRY

You’re 78 years old. You started in the music business when you were 15. Played the bass in a group called the Quarrymen where you met John Lennon.

PAUL

Yeah. John was the lead guitarist. And George Harrison joined a year later.

JERRY

You fellas started getting popular by imitating Elvis Presley. Shaking your hips and shaggy hair.

PAUL

Funny you mention Elvis.

JERRY

Why?

PAUL

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses. It will be for people who “love meat tender.” What do you think?

JERRY

Don’t quit your day job.

PAUL

You’re no fun.

JERRY

In 1960, the Quarrymen became the Beatles. Was Ringo Starr in the group?

PAUL

Name sounds familiar.

JERRY

Ringo…the drummer, stupid-looking guy.

PAUL

Ah, yes. That Ringo. He told me a sad story. His father always carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet. It gets worse. When Ringo told his mother he joined The Beatles, she sprayed him with Raid.

JERRY

Eww.

JERRY

The Beatles had hit after hit. I Saw Her Standing There, And I Love Her, Yesterday, Eleanor Rigby, Blackbird.

PAUL

John and I wrote them all. We were together for 10 years.

JERRY

Then came 1970. The group disbanded.

PAUL

And I formed a new group called Wings. Had a dozen international top 10 singles and albums. Hits like Band on the Run, Silly Love Songs, Live and Let Die.

JERRY

I Have A Little Dreidel?

PAUL

What?

JERRY

Maybe that was Neil Diamond. Bob Dylan? Don Rickles?

PAUL

Let me finish bragging. I have 32 songs that topped Billboard Hot 100, two inductions into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as the the Beatles and solo artist, 18 Grammy Awards.

JERRY

Bla, bla, bla.

PAUL

Did I mention I was knighted by Queen Elizabeth? I’m Sir James Paul McCartney.

JERRY

So what? My mother told me I was knighted at birth. I’m Sir Cumcised.

JERRY

Tell me something I don’t know about Paul McCartney.

PAUL

When I was married to model Heather Mills, I hid her prosthetic leg after a heated argument. I felt really bad. How could I be such a jerk?

JERRY

So what did you do?

PAUL

I took her to IHOP.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

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The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.