[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
On the 46th anniversary of Star Trek, dedicated Trekkie breaks big news
Saturday marks the 46th anniversary of Star Trek: The Original Series, and as such, there are many tributes being made to America’s most beloved science fiction television series.
Star Trek trivia buffs are showing off their knowledge by posting some of the most obsolete facts about Star Trek on the internet. But one such buff, Tim Dinkledorfer, age 27, from Sylvania, Ohio, claims he has the ultimate piece of trivia that he believes has never before been mentioned outside his bedroom located in the basement of his mother Elsie’s home.
“I eat, sleep, breathe Star Trek,” said Dinkledorfer, who called into a local Toledo radio station, The Gospel News Talk 1960 WLIE. “And I have a piece of information that is going to blow your listeners’ socks right off the air,” he boasted.
Asked to hold 45 minutes while the on-air disc jockey, Jerry “the Big J” Smathers, took other calls from listeners wanting to talk about more important matters such as whether or not Pat Robertson should be canonized upon his death, Dinkledorfer hung in there and was finally given a chance to state his claim.
“Ok, Dingledorfer. I didn’t think you’d hang in there this long,” said Smathers, “but you really must have something to say, so make it quick because we don’t have much time left to bash more lefties, er I mean praise the Republicans’ good works. What’s that Star Trek news you have for us?”
“It’s Dinkledorfer,” said Dinkledorfer, who then began to tell the listeners his incredible news without stopping to take a breath.
“Remember the scene from the 7th episode of Season 2 where the Telekinesians enter the spaceship through a portal they constructed out of a tiny piece of thread from the Borg Queen’s uniform, and they turn themselves invisible except for the bite marks they leave on Spock’s leg that look like caricatures of Jerry Lewis, and then they take over the bridge and it looks like no one is running the Enterprise but they really are because they are still invisible but they are running the Enterprise?
“And remember when the Percusstian Princess, who is dressed in a revealing silver toga, which by the way was also worn by Lt. Uhura in the 2nd episode of Season 1, seduces Scotty so that her actual lover Denamacus, who has to go to a special room to smoke his Antediluvian cigars, who, by the way is played by actor Ricardo Montalban, can beam up more Percusstians, but the plot is foiled because the Princess is bitten by a Telekinesian and she dies?”
“Your point?” asks Big J.
Dinkledorfer continued, “Remember when you look outside the windows that see into space and you see out of the corner of the camera the Russian space station? Remember that?” asked Dingledorfer.
“No, not really,” says Big playing along.
“Well that was really the space station, and they were filming the episode from space,” said the excited caller.
“Fascinating,” said Smathers. “Thanks for calling Tim. We have to take a station identification break, after which we’ll talk to a caller who claims that Karl Rove has irrefutable proof that all the women who spoke at the DNC are former prostitutes.”
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