[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Donald Trump Found Playing with Toy Soldiers in the Situation Room

Toy soldiers were set up for the bored president, including one figurine with tears painted on its face to simulate al-Baghdadi.

Rumors are floating around media circles that a staffer considered very close to the President allegedly has photos of the President inside the Situation Room playing “war” with tiny toy soldiers. There are several eyewitness accounts of the scenario that played out shortly after the killing of ISIS leader al-Baghdadi by US led special forces.

toy soldiersOne source claimed it appeared the President was using the toy figures as a means to understand exactly how the raid on al-Baghdadi took place. A crude drawing of al-Baghdadi was found with the toys, the eyes of the Isis leader crossed out with X’s, made with a black sharpie marker.

It is common knowledge that Trump was never allowed to play as a boy, and many believe his childish behavior in the White House is his attempt to capture a childhood denied him by his overbearing father, Fred.

The staffer was near the situation room when he heard loud noises coming from within. He apparently stumbled upon the President trying to re-enact the cornering and subsequent killing of al-Baghdadi.

“Die like a dog, Al Bag… Al Bagda… Al!” and “Who’s your daddy now Al?!” were some of the things the staffer heard the President loudly boom as he appeared to be forcing one soldier upon the other in mortal combat.

The noise subsided when the staffer dropped something, alerting the President to his presence. The staffer ran down the hall before being discovered but not before he snapped photos with his personal cell phone of the President at play.

In a related story, it is rumored that Trump is now ordering a specially made G.I. Joe figure wearing a tiny red hat with the anagram MAGA initialed on it to add to the growing number of items which can be purchased on the President’s re-election campaign site, along with Trump straws and magic markers.

When asked to corroborate the staffer’s story, Trump’s attorney, Rudy Giuliani replied, “This isn’t the first, nor will it be the last time the President plans on mounting a war when politically necessary to avert attention away from his impending impeachment by the House of Representatives, which of course is never going to happen because it is fake news,” then sat down and butt-dialed his attorney for permission to leave the White House briefing room.

P. Beckert