[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Founder Pat Robertson finding it difficult to re-focus after Obama victory
The elections are over, Obama has won decisively, and now the Christian Coalition is at a crossroads.
Founder Pat Robertson says that these days he is finding it difficult to re-focus on the Apocalypse because he had faith that Romney would win and “that would be the end of the political nonsense,” as he puts it.
“We worked hard to get this country back in shape, elect a good leader, and move on toward our most important message, which is, ‘get ready for the day of judgment,’ but it didn’t happen,” said a deeply troubled Robertson.
Robertson says he has been receiving many phone calls and letters asking him, “Pat, what do I do now? Do we continue to hate Obama or start stocking up for the end days?”
“I tell them that at this point in time it is just too soon after the elections and for right now, they can take a few days to hate their President, and then when the numbness and anger wears off a little, they can go back to stocking their weapons and building their bunkers,” he said.
Robertson then apologized publicly for his feelings.
“I’m genuinely sorry that I am having such a hard time getting past the fact that Obama was re-elected that I can’t be there whole-heartedly for my followers,” said Robertson with a noticeable heavy heart.
Robertson just wants his followers to know this: “I am fully aware that the world as we know it is going to end on December 21, 2012, and we need to get cracking if we are gonna beat this thing and get ourselves ready for the rapture, but try as I might, I can’t help thinking that my own world ended on November 6, 2012 at approximately 11:15 eastern standard time.”
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
- How the Trump Stole America: A Poem - December 29, 2016
Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!