[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
The Mayan Calendar: Predicting the end of the world as we know it?
We are now just about a month away from the end of the world, and how do we know this? Because we have a Mayan calendar that predicts it. At least, that is what a large portion of humans around the world believe.
According to various readings of the ancient Mayan calendar, the earth will undergo catastrophic changes on December 21, 2012. Either that or the changes will be for the better. It’s all according to whom you ask.
However, one scientist says both sides are wrong. While the calendar does appear to end on 12/21/12, in reality, there is a perfectly logical reason for that.
“The person who kept the Mayan calendar going way back when died,” said historian Greta Shushkind, “and when the next person took over the task, he wasn’t as, shall we say, ‘married to his job’ as the first Mayan timekeeper. Within a week or two of taking the job, the replacement timekeeper decided to walk away, leaving the calendar to fizzle out on December 12, 2012.”
Shushkind says by the time anyone noticed the missing astronomer, too many celestial events had passed unrecorded. For that reason, she believes the gloomy date is nothing more than a result of shoddy record keeping.
“Odds are pretty good that on December 22, there will still be last-minute shoppers clogging the malls, making parking a nightmare and having quite a few people wishing for an end to the madness, but end of the world as we know it? Hardly.”
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
- How the Trump Stole America: A Poem - December 29, 2016
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!