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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

Scientists Study Jessica Simpson Post-Baby Fat

Sep 152012
 By , September 15, 2012

Study an attempt to understand source of popularity of Jessica Simpson and her fluctuating body weight

A few dozen scientists from the Institute of Research got together last week to examine a mystery that has confounded some of the brightest minds in our society: the popularity of Jessica Simpson’s fluctuating body weight.

Jessica Simpson sings National AnthemThis groundbreaking research, though focusing specifically on Ms. Simpson, was expected to shed light on the reason behind the public’s continuing obsession over things generally regarded as private.

Already gaining notoriety in the scientific community, this is not the first time this group of scientists have worked together on a project of this magnitude.  You may recall their work with Beiber’s hair and Lady Gaga‘s brain a few years back.

The team took fat samples from Jessica Simpson and compared them with samples from three completely unknown and (they were assured) regular female humans from various parts of the country.

The hope was that the microscope might be able to detect what the mind has failed to grasp.

The results were shocking and, according to the researchers, quite disappointing.  There was absolutely no disparity between Jessica Simpson’s epidermal cells and those of the other test subjects.

Apparently, this study, if anything, has proven that there are just some things that science can’t answer.

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