CAC banner ad
Humor Times subscribe

[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Jihadist Gets the 72 Virgins He So Richly Deserves

Feb 082014
 By , February 8, 2014

Young Jihadist Jasheed blows himself up, gets to heaven

The Gates to Glory opened wide to accept young Jasheed as he entered the Jihadist Heaven he worked so hard to achieve.

His trainers had always indoctrinated him on the wonders that would await him there were he to prove himself to be a true fundamentalist patriot. Now, his mission completed and multiple bodies torn apart by his suicide bomb including his own, he had now come to get his just rewards.

Jihadist Gets 72 VirginsAs he walked the golden path inward, he was greeting by a slight man dressed in the simple garb of a cleric of his area.

“Welcome Brother!” the older man greeted him. “I am happy to see you arriving. I am Mahkmed who will be your guide.”

“Allah Akbar!” smiled Jasheed back to him.

“Let me show you around,” said the man, sweeping his hand before them to show the way.”What treasure would you first like to see?”

Jasheed had long known what would be his first delight when he got to Taliban heaven. “I wish to see my virgins!”

The guide frowned a bit, but quickly recovered himself. “Ah yes, the virgins. It seems that is the main thought upon the minds of most of the young men who come to us. Well, let us see what we can do.”

They veered off the path to a gated palace that lay close by.

Jasheeds host opened a glittering door and ushered the young man in. Within, he saw many former Jihadists milling about with burka clad females walking the traditional three paces behind him. Jasheeds heart quivered at the thought of his receiving the 72 virgins the mullahs had promised all recruits to the Great Cause.

“Unfortunately, so many of our young men have come to us wanting their virgin rewards above all other things, there is a bit of a shortage.”

“What?” Exclaimed Jasheed astonished. “But these have been promised to me! For this alone I blew my body and that of others to atoms! I surely deserve something for that!”

“Don’t worry my brother, you shall. You shall indeed get your 72 virgins! Follow me here.” He opened a side door that gave entrance to a huge, dazzling ballroom.

The entire room was full of men who looked up expectantly when they entered.

The guide spoke curtly and directly, “Unfortunately we have run out of female virgins, but you can feel free to take 72 male virgins. They are all other Jihadists who blew themselves up, having never known the glory of a female consort. Sorry, that is all we have left. Have fun!”

Jasheed fell to his knees gnashing his teeth. “Allah, how could you do this to me?!!!!”

Mahkmed was quick to comfort him. “Ah, don’t worry Jasheed! It is not a sin! Remember, we decide what is a grievance against Allah and what isn’t!”

The following two tabs change content below.
Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.

Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on Subscribe via email!