Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
It seems someone cut the string between the two tin cans.
Pet Smart purchased for 8.3 Billion dollars
In doggie dollars that’s 58.1 billion dollars.
John Kerry: ‘I look forward to being the first Secretary of State in 60 years to visit Cuba’
Really, John? Then why the long face?
Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant revealed on ‘Kourtney and Khloe Take the Hamptons’
Proving Kardashians don’t have babies, they have spinoffs.
Legendary Rocker, Joe Cocker, passed away at 70
Rudy Giuliani blames Obama…
Obama, Castro and Pope Francis kept US/Cuban talks secret for 18 months
Good job, whoever decided not to tell Scott Rudin and Amy Pascal at Sony.
Kathy Lee Gifford says Bill Cosby once tried to kiss her
That must have been the time he slipped himself a roofie.
The Navy’s new robot looks and swims just like a shark
Still no word on which lawyer they used as the actual model.
Ringo Starr joins Rock Hall of Fame
The first ten seconds of his speech should be given by Pete Best.
Dick Cheney: ‘George W Bush approved all the torture methods’
But, enough about their sex life.
Sexy Russian spy ‘tried to seduce’ Snowden
Well, at least she picked a guy who clearly can’t keep a secret.
Vivid Entertainment has offered $1 Million for a ‘Mama June & Sugar Bear Sex Tape’
They’re going to sell it as a form of birth control.