The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Wasilla Car Wash Owner Dallas Preston

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Wasilla Car Wash owner Dallas Preston.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Dallas Preston, owner of the Wasilla Car Wash.

Wasilla Car Wash
Wasilla Car Wash.

DALLAS PRESTON

Hi Jerry.

JERRY

I hear the Wasilla Car Wash is the busiest place in town.

DALLAS

Oh, ya. We run a special every Tuesday. Brings in lots of  business.

JERRY

How?

DALLAS

I do somethin different than my competition. We wash the cars in the river. No need to waste water.

JERRY

Wait a second. It ruins the car.

DALLAS

Oops. No wonder my accountant said we’re under water.

JERRY

C’mon, Dallas. You’re retirement age. Call it quits. You must have a bucket list.

DALLAS

Yep. Pail, mop bucket, ice bucket and car washin bucket.  Reached all my goals. Ya know, Jerry. If I close the business, my competition will price gouge. They’re Republicans. No bottom line for them folks.

JERRY

Republicans are like porn stars. They’re good at switching positions in front of a camera. Speaking of Repubs, I understand you are a cousin to Texas Governor Greg Abbott.

DALLAS

Yeah. Our family is a bunch of inbreds. First cousins marrying first cousins. That sort of thing. In fact, my Texas family loves sandwiches because they are inbred.

A call comes into the show.

TEXAS GOVERNOR GREG ABBOTT

Hey, Partner. Why are you listening to that idiot Dallas? Our families aren’t inbreds. They’re morons.

JERRY

I stand corrected. And you are the smartest moron.

ABBOTT

Thank you.

JERRY

Let’s look at your tenure in Texas politics.

ABBOTT

Yippee ki yo ki yay.

JERRY

You were a member of the Texas Supreme Court from 1996-2001. While Texas Attorney General from 2002-15, you defended the state ban on same sex marriage.

ABBOTT

That’s right.

JERRY

I don’t recall voting on your marriage.

ABBOTT

You’re not a Texan.

JERRY

And you’re a space alien.

JERRY

You tried to invalidate the Affordable Care Act.

ABBOTT

Hell, yes. That’s money I need from insurance companies to fund my political campaigns.

JERRY

You want to ban abortion.

ABBOTT

Absolutely. My mom didn’t abort me. And look how I turned out?

JERRY

Hey, Gregster. What do you call a Mexican abortion?

ABBOTT

No clue.

JERRY

Adios embrios.

ABBOTT

Anything else Don Rickles?

JERRY

Yes. Guns.

ABBOTT

Everyone should own one. No questions asked. No restrictions.

JERRY

The facts under you Governorship since 2014. 22 people murdered at a busy Walmart in El Paso, Texas by a 21 year old with an assault rifle on October 10, 2019.

ABBOTT

We prayed for the families.

JERRY

That didn’t help.

JERRY

21 people murdered at Robb Elementary in Ulvalde, Texas on May 24, 2022 by an 18 year old with an assault rifle.

ABBOTT

Mental illness.

DALLAS

He’s lyin, Jerry. I dug up some facts while you two was talkin.

ABBOTT

I know everything.

DALLAS

Not this time, Freddy Krueger.

JERRY

Lay it out there, Dallas man.

DALLAS

Research from the American Psychological Association has shown that only a very small percentage of violent acts are connected by people who are diagnosed with, or in treatment for mental illness. That’s 1 in 99 shootings.

JERRY

There you go. What do you have to say, Gregster?

ABBOTT

Abababababa.

JERRY

After all the hell on your watch that you put the citizens of Texas through, you are running again for governor against former U.S. House representative Democrat Beta O’Rourke.

DALLAS

He’s an Irishman, ya know.

JERRY

Knock, knock.

DALLAS

Who’s there?

JERRY

Ireland.

DALLAS

Ireland who?

JERRY

Ireland you money if you promise to pay me back.

DALLAS

(laughs) That’s a good one, Jerry. I’m Dublin over with laughter.

JERRY

Dallas Preston and Governor Greg Abbott. See you tomorrow.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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