Rod Serling does the prologue and epilogue for this very special edition of The Jerry Duncan Show: Twilight Zone 2.
ANNOUNCER ROD SERLING
Former twice impeached President Donald Trump will soon find out that his life doesn’t exist anymore at Mar-a-Lago. Rather a middle ground between light and shadow. Between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and summit of his knowledge. This is an area we call, The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is former disgraced, twice impeached President Donald Trump.
JERRY
Good morning, big fella. What’s new at Mar-a-Lago?
DONALD TRUMP
The FBI illegally raided my house. All they found were 55 empty buckets of KFC and 350 Big Mac wrappers.
JERRY
Are you sure you’re not hiding something else?
TRUMP
Okay, I confess. 25 pairs of my underwear with skid marks. And Lindsey Graham’s inaugural gown.
JERRY
You’re still spreading baseless claims that the 2020 election was rigged. Do you really believe you are still the President?
TRUMP
Of course, I am. Dead people voted for Joe Biden. I had 200 million votes.
JERRY
But there are only 133 million registered voters.
TRUMP
Fake news. You forgot to add Russians. It’s all on Fox News.
JERRY
There are 15 tax fraud schemes against the Trump Organization during the past 16 years. Your CFO Allen Weisselberg plead guilty to charges of larceny, criminal tax fraud, and falsifying business records.
TRUMP
Who is Allen Weisselberg? Never heard of him. I got more important things to worry about. The DOJ is going to indict me. I’m trying to deport Melania and her parents back to Slovenia. Ivana isn’t hot anymore.
JERRY
Ivana is dead.
TRUMP
I told you she wasn’t hot.
JERRY
Hold on. I got Joe Biden on the phone.
JERRY
Hi Joe.
JOE BIDEN
C’mon, man. Let me talk to that clown.
JERRY
(all three are on the line) Okay, fellas. Go at it.
BIDEN
Trump. You left me with a migrant problem at the southern border. COVID through the roof, and debt I haven’t seen since George W. Bush was in office.
TRUMP
I’m the king of debt. I understand debt probably better than anybody. Simple math, Sleepy Joe. If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.
BIDEN
When you were President, the coronavirus was out of control. You did nothing to get shots in the arms of Americans. Within 6 months of my presidency, 66% of the country was vaccinated. I saved thousands of lives.
TRUMP
(sarcastic) I’ll give you a medal. I remember when I got a gold medal in track. I was so proud that I had it bronzed.
BIDEN
Knock, knock.
TRUMP
Who’s there?
BIDEN
Annie.
TRUMP
Annie who?
BIDEN
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
JERRY
Joe. Why have you been so successful since being in office?
BIDEN
I am fighting for the middle of the road, a little toad. I mean a commode. Bottom line, I make a helluva Vice President.
JERRY
You’re the President.
BIDEN
Smart Aleck. You’re trying to get a cheap laugh at my expense.
JERRY
No. It’s the truth.
BIDEN
Can I call a lifeline?
TRUMP
I’m the real President. Will be back in the White House in 2024. I’m a very stable genius.
BIDEN
You mean evil genius. Lock him up, Merrick Garland.
ANNOUNCER ROD SERLING
Donald Trump, age 76. A loser, liar and cheat. Successful in nothing except in the one effort that a few men try at some time in their lives — dating Stormy Daniels. And perhaps across his empty mind, there will be a flit, a little errant wish. That a man might not have to become old. Never outgrow the parks and merry-go-rounds of his youth, where his parents tried to abandon him. And Donald will smile, because he’ll know it is just an errant wish. Some wisp of memory not too important really. Some laughing ghosts that cross a man’s mind, on The Jerry Duncan Show.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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