The President and Sen. Elizabeth Warren assess the highlights of the second first 100 days of Trump.
Addressing their target audiences just one day apart, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) and President Donald Trump spoke with feeling about the highlights of the second first 100 days of Trump.
Trump spoke at a campaign rally-type gathering at Macomb County Community College on April 29 in Warren, Michigan. Sen. Warren addressed a nearly empty Senate chamber as she recounted, “100 Days, 100 Acts of Corruption” for the Congressional Record on April 30. Points addressed by both parties included the following:
1. Tesla
Warren: “Trump turned the White House into a lurid showroom for a Tesla dealership; this was a craven folding to the pressures of a billionaire crony who purchased the last election.”
Trump: “Tesla is the ultimate American Brand. Buy Tesla, keep Elon Musk the richest, most influential entrepreneur in the world. See my son Eric for a test drive. Free car washes for a year!”
2. Easter Egg Roll
Warren: “Trump monetized the annual Easter Egg Roll by selling sponsorship of the event to his wealthy cronies. Which makes some kind of twisted sense, I guess, since only billionaires can afford eggs during Trump 2.0.”
Trump: “For years, during Democrat administrations, the government wasted precious resources on a totally free, non-professionally sponsored Easter Egg Roll. I brought an end to that. And with the price of eggs at just 29 cents a dozen owing to my vastly improved economy, I decided to let the pros serve the children of billionaires. The sponsors included Phillip Morris; researchers at NIH found that it’s easier to get people addicted to tobacco as children.”
3. Paid Access to Trump’s Cabinet
Warren: “The president’s son, Don Jr., has started a so-called club for wealthy people who will through membership gain access to Trump’s cabinet. The membership fee: $500,000! This is completely corrupt.”
Trump: “Don Jr. always wanted to belong to a club, even when he was a little boy. Now that I am president, he has that chance. Pocohontas has bitched about the half million dollar membership fee; well, everything is relative. That’s nothing compared to, for example, membership fees at Mar-a-Lago. Get with the program, Liz, you silly squaw.”
4. Big Pharma
Warren: “Trump is now hosting million dollar dinners for the CEOs of Big Pharma. What could possibly go wrong?”
Trump: “Hey, Big Pharma gots to eat, too! They were besieged, unfairly picked on and harassed by the Sleepy Joe Biden Administration. Research and Development costs are a fact of life, and I mean to restore Big Pharma’s financial wherewithal by instantly increasing the cost of a bottle of insulin to $600. It’s only fair; it’s only right. There’s an old maxim: some people are so sick, and so poor, that they don’t deserve to live.”
5. Federal Employment
Warren: “Trump has eviscerated the employment rolls of the federal government. First responders, caretakers of our nuclear arsenals and scientists working on medical research have been summarily fired.”
Trump: “The federal workforce is a bloated, smelly glob of shit. Jobs are filled by people who don’t exist, by illegals and by people who never report for work. Furthermore, these “researchers” are in fact working on procedures for turning our precious children into transgenders and illegals. It’s all a part of Replacement Theory.”
6. Immigrants and Free Speech
Warren: “Donald Trump has banned free speech and a free press. He has arrested and swept from the streets, people legally living in the United States, including citizens, for exercising their right of self-expression. This is horrible!”
Trump: “I’ve engineered a crackdown on the caravans of seedy, thieving, raping refugees from Mexican insane asylums, who are running amok on our streets, eating our pet dogs and cats and murdering white people. Just because someone is in the United States, doesn’t mean they have the rights of citizens. That’s like saying a white man and a Black man have equal rights, or a welfare recipient and a billionaire. It’s sad. I have restored white pride!”
7. Tariffs
Warren: “The Trump Administration has levied onerous, burdensome, unsustainable tariffs on goods the American people need and want.”
Trump: “I only this morning increased the tariff on foreign pharmaceuticals, car parts and electronics to 6,000%. And China and the rest of the world will pay for it; just like Mexico paid for our beautiful wall!”
8. The Cabinet
Warren: “The members of Trump’s cabinet all got out of a tiny clown car on Pennsylvania Avenue and invaded the White House. You’ve got a spineless stooge for Secretary of State; a registered fascist for Attorney General and a feckless idiot for Secretary of Defense. It’s hard to imagine how it could get any worse.”
Trump: “I get only the best people, the smartest people, the people who are most photogenic. Take DHS Director Kristi Noem, for example–and I have–a swimsuit model for SI, now running the nation’s storm troopers. Could only happen in America. And for Secretary of State–and 11 other positions–we got Little Marco. And best of all, for DoD Secretary we have Pete Hegseth, straight out of central casting, or a Tom Clancy novel; or so I’m told, since I’ve never read a book myself.”
9. Health and Human Services
Warren: “Trump, through that woefully unqualified RFK Jr., has taken our health system apart plank by plant. Measles are at a 40-year high, nobody’s taking vaccines and medical professionals are leaving the country. Reproductive care is at an all-time low.”
Trump: “Bobby has rightfully taken all the vaccines off the market. Measles are a poor person’s disease; it doesn’t affect rich people. Nobody should take vaccines, and the damn Indians and Chinese who make up a sizable portion of our health care profession are evacuating the country–and rightfully so! And under Bobby, abortion doctors won’t be crawling up a woman’s womb and ripping babies out with vise grips and pliers.”
10. The Future
Warren: “The future for America under the Trump Administration looks abysmal, with increased disease, decreased wealth, political turmoil and a corrupt, self-serving, greedy executive branch.”
Trump: “Over the next 1,300 days I foresee more of the same: more layoffs, more tariffs, more eradication of vermin caravans and more accumulation of wealth by the Trump family. I’ve decided to crack down on city crime and have appointed 1,500 Gauleiters in the major metropolitan districts to serve as party liaisons. We will implement vigilante justice, heavily-armed posses and that still useful artifact of a century ago: lynching. People, this is only the beginning: you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”
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