Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
2024 presidential candidate Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman says losers should return the money raised, and much worse.
In a recent interview with SNN Political Bullshit reporter Strawe Polle, 2024 Presidential candidate Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman said that when a politicians lose an election they should have to refund campaign contributions.
Hoiman says that while his opponents Biden, Trump and Haley have solicited and spent hundreds of millions of dollars, he has not and never will solicit or spend corporate or individual contributions. He insists that the losers should give the cash back and worse.
Hoiman states that his lone human guilty pleasure is watching professional wrestling matches from the 1950’s and 60’s. Hoiman said that back in the day, bad guy wrestlers who lost suffered embarrassing consequences. Many had to leave town.
He said he remembers that in 1959 the great Gorgeous George lost a match in Toronto and had his golden locks shaved off in the middle of the ring. Bobby the Brain Heenan lost a match to Greg Gagne and was forced to put on a weasel suit and hop around the ring.
He said that his favorite is from Texas in a match between Johnny Weaver and Tough Tony Borne. The loser had to wash a live jackass in the middle of the ring. Can you imagine Donald Trump washing a jackass after losing the election?
So the loser of the 2024 Presidential election should give the money back, have his head shaved, wear a weasel suit, wash a jackass and then leave town for good.
Breaking News
Donald Trump Poses the Question, “Can a Man Get a Fair Trial in a Court Where Both the Prosecutor and the Judge are Women?”
SNN Words to Live By
“A man who rides all alone, and all that he’ll ever own is just a badge and a gun, and he’s known as the lawman.” — Theme song from Lawman, 1950’s TV series.
“Don’t let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy.” — The Eagles, Take It Easy, 1970’s song.
“Not having dreams is stupid.” — Cliff Claven (John Ratzenberger), Cheers, 1980’s TV series.
Question of the Week for Our Readers
Who invented rock’n’roll? (Give your answer in the comments section below!)
- Trial Judge’s List of Possible Punishments for Trump Uncovered - April 24, 2024
- Biden: ‘Donate $1 Million to My Campaign and Be President for a Day’ - April 14, 2024
- Famous Surgeon Now Offering ‘EZ At Home Surgery Kits’ - April 9, 2024
