Minnesota Nice Interviews The Psychic

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Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Cookie Thunder, a local psychic.

ANNOUNCER

From beautiful downtown Slenderville, Minnesota, it’s the Minnesota Nice Radio Show. And here’s your host Tommy Ellis.

TOMMY ELLIS

Welcome to the show. Weird day. Woke up in the middle of the night screamin’ like a Banshee woman. A snake was crawlin’ under my bedsheets. Grabbed my jacket and pants then headed over to Lester Hill’s house. Scared the hell out of him I was knockin’ on the door so loud. Prit near shaken’ like a leaf, his wife Brenda made me a cup of coffee. Lester told me Brenda’s real name is “Eileen.” Who’d ever thunk? That’s what her parents named her at birth when they noticed one leg was shorter than the other.

psychic crystal ball
Photo: Artem Beliaikin, flickr.com, Public Domain.

Today on the show my guest is Cookie Thunder. She’s a psychic here in Slenderville. Psychics are individuals gifted with special abilities to understand things beyond what we see or feel. That’s what it says in the dictionary. Words is interestin’. I tried to read the dictionary in bed, but didn’t finish. I got up to p.

COOKIE THUNDER

Hurry up, Tommy. I have some vibes about you.

TOMMY

Tell me, Crystal Ball Chuckles. I could use good news.

COOKIE

Give me your palm. You see the line goin’ through the center?

TOMMY

Yep.

COOKIE

That’s the Apollo line. It’s a powerful indicator associated with fame, recognition, and success in careers and finance.

TOMMY

Ya hit the nail on the head. I save my money. Keep it in the freezer so I have cold hard cash.

COOKIE

What about puttin’ it in Treasury bonds where it earns interest? That’s where I invest my money.

TOMMY

Nah. What I don’t keep at home, I put in riverbanks every time I go fishin’. Finance lady Suze Orman don’t know jack shit. In fact, she don’t even know how to spell Susie.

COOKIE

Are you prepared for fame? You could have a show on Sirius XM. Live in New York City.

TOMMY

Nothin’ doin’. I read where someone gets stabbed in New York City every 46 seconds. Poor guy.

COOKIE

(panics) Oh, no! Somethin’ is happenin’. Apollo is fighten’ with Zodiac. There’s a fate line goin’ from the base of the palm towards your ring finger. It’s stoppin’ at Cancer.

TOMMY

Cancer? What a blow! Before I die, I’m goin’ to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn. It should make the cremation a little more interestin’.

COOKIE

Sorry I made a mistake. I’m still a trainee.

TOMMY

Then I got some questions for you by golly. First. What is the name of your least favorite sibling? Second. What year did you abandon your dreams? Third. What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress? Check your crystal ball and get back to me.

COOKIE

I just put a curse on you! Don’t ever bite your fingernails after you scratch your butt.

TOMMY

Cookie Thunder, psychic. See ya tomorrow.

 

Minnesota Nice
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Dean Kaner
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