Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
I believe Travolta’s exact quote was: ‘Tel ti Gov.’
Justin Timberlake gets flipped off by a fan in concert
What’s really amazing is Joey Fatone could afford a ticket.
Russian gas monopoly said Ukraine had not paid its $440 million Feb. gas bill
Ukraine said they’d call when their phone was reconnected
A 69-year-old man still in mental hospital he entered after stealing a $20 necklace in 1971
Yeah, but in 2014 dollars it’s worth 28.43.
New Mexico woman beat mother in head with vibrator during argument, police say
She was arrested for assault with battery-operated weapon.
Washington state issues first legal marijuana business license
Person has already forgot where he left it.
Non-dairy creamer is flammable
They make it in a Cremora-torium.
American Airlines ends bereavement fares
But will let you carry one corpse free in overhead compartment.
1000+ Radio Shack stores to close
They’d close more, but they’re so barely used they forgot where they put them…
Olive Garden’s new logo leaves investors with a bad taste in their mouth
So, it represents the restaurant perfectly.
Richie Incognito has reportedly entered a treatment facility
Proving this guy can go nowhere Incognito.