[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Local Woman Obsessed with Making Pancakes with Likeness of Jesus or Somebody

Likeness of Jesus or Buddha or someone famous on pancakes could sell big on eBay, woman claims.

Lois Reiner, from Hoboken, New Jersey, is a woman with one goal in mind–to make a pancake that bears the likeness of someone famous. Reiner claims there is money to be made on eBay. Big money.

Likeness of Jesus or Somebody in pancakes?
Batch No. 281.

Her short list of who’s who, which Reiner says would pull in the most money are Jesus, the Dalai Lama, or even Buddha, but non-religious persons such as Elton John, John Lennon, or even Sarah Palin or Barack Obama, she says, would more than likely net big gains as well.

Asked if she has been successful in her quest, Lois said, “Unfortunately, no, but I did get close once to making a pancake that bore the likeness of Jesus Christ, but upon closer inspection by my husband, Carl, it turned out looking more like a drugged-out hippie. I had to trash that one and quick,” she said.

Her husband Carl, seemingly a bit irritated, said this about his wife’s obsession: “From the time she wakes up in the morning to well into the afternoon, Lois is making pancakes. I haven’t counted, but I can assure you that we’ve gone through well into the hundreds of pounds of flour and eggs, not to mention oodles of gallons of milk, for this ridiculous pancake quest she’s on.”

Lois chimed in, “Yeah, well, you’ll be sorry when I make my first million off one of these pancakes and leave your sorry butt behind.”

Carl claims he hasn’t had a decent breakfast (without pancakes), or lunch for that matter, for about three weeks now, and he’s getting fed up (no pun intended).

Lois was asked if she has possibly tried strategically placing a couple of blueberries or chocolate chips in the pancakes to resemble eyes, and she answered, “No. My pancakes are the real deal, unadulterated. If I did that, I don’t think anyone would take me seriously as a pancake artist.”

Meanwhile, Lois has admitted that she may have gone overboard with the pancakes, and plans on focusing next week on possibly trying grilled cheese sandwiches.

“I heard that a woman got almost $30K for a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich that bore the likeness of Jesus Christ.

“Hell,” said Lois, “for that kind of money, I’m willing to stand in that kitchen from morning to night making grilled cheese sandwiches.”

Carl looked heavenward and said, “Thanks, Lord. At least we’re moving on to lunch now.”

P. Beckert