Top Hollywood Death Sentences

When you hear one of these lines in a Hollywood-produced piece, you know it ain’t going to work out well.

Based on many years spent watching film and television, here are the top Hollywood TV/motion picture lines and dialog that are usually followed by death or dismemberment.

“It’s quiet.”
“Yeah, too quiet.”

Hollywood dracula“Ah, you must be Count Dracula.”

“I’ll get help.”
“Be careful.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

“Ready, Aim, FIRE!”

“What was that?”
“I didn’t hear anything.”
“Hmm … you’re right … It was probably nothing.”

“Don’t be silly. There’s no such thing as ghosts [vampires] [werewolves][zombies].”

“So, Old Timer, they say you’re quick on the draw.”
“I hear tell that some do.”
Then DRAW!”

“The name is Bond. James Bond.”

“Well sure, the Ultrahumongasaurus, which we grew in the lab and which is now ravaging the city, may seem dangerous. But if we catch him, we can put him on display and make millions. Millions.”

“I just want to see the Cubs win before I die.”

“[Cough cough] So, Doc, what’s wrong with me?”
“Please sit down, Mr. Holliday. I have some bad news.”

“This is my first flight.”

“Yup, Jim. After 40 years on the forc, I retire next week, then move to Boca Raton to live on my pension. I just have one last case to close….”

“Directed by Quentin Tarantino.”

[My thanks to Jim Corrigan for making sure I didn’t miss any obvious ones … ]

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Howard Zaharoff

Howard Zaharoff

Howard Zaharoff reads (a lot), writes (mostly humor), teaches (occasionally) and practices law (doesn't everyone?). He is the author of "Stump Your Lawyer!" (Chronicle 2007), and his work has appeared in The Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Amazing Stories, Computerworld, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, The Annals of Improbable Research and the books Growing Up Jewish (Penguin 1987) and Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and Further Improbabilities) (Workman 1993), among other places.