Howard Zaharoff

Howard Zaharoff reads (a lot), writes (mostly humor), teaches (occasionally) and practices law (doesn't everyone?). He is the author of "Stump Your Lawyer!" (Chronicle 2007), and his work has appeared in The Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Amazing Stories, Computerworld, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, The Annals of Improbable Research and the books Growing Up Jewish (Penguin 1987) and Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and Further Improbabilities) (Workman 1993), among other places.

The Persons, Who Evade From Checking Procedure, Aren’t Supposed for Boarding!

By Howard Zaharoff, October 24, 2018October 24, 2018

“The Persons, Who Evade From Checking Procedure, Aren’t Supposed for Boarding!” — Sign at Dnipropetrovsk International Airport (Ukraine) Welcome, boarding persons to Float Number 285, Ukraine Airlines. We fly Not-Stopping to London, Merry Olde England, … Read moreThe Persons, Who Evade From Checking Procedure, Aren’t Supposed for Boarding!

We Want Your House

By Howard Zaharoff, September 17, 2018

Hi! We love your house and want to be its next owners! We’re the couple that came in five minutes before your open house ended, trailing three adorable children, Biyu age 8, Moshe age 5 … Read moreWe Want Your House

Notes for the Fellow in the Next Stall

By Howard Zaharoff, June 18, 2018June 18, 2018

Hey, guy in the next stall, get a clue! You can stop trying to hide your identity by tucking your shoes behind the bowl: I recognize your Stefano Ricci’s (also your cough), John, from Accounting. … Read moreNotes for the Fellow in the Next Stall

New Passover Parody Songs

By Howard Zaharoff, March 25, 2018March 25, 2018

Liven up your Passover Seder with these new Passover parody tunes! For any of you looking to liven up a Passover Seder with some new Passover parody songs, here is my contribution to that genre … Read moreNew Passover Parody Songs

Things I, Donald Trump, Would Do in Addition to Running Unarmed into a School

By Howard Zaharoff, March 5, 2018

In his own imagination: Donald Trump, superhero! Here, the president lists all the things he would do, if needed: Smash through any locked doors using my shoulders and feet, like they do on NCIS. (I … Read moreThings I, Donald Trump, Would Do in Addition to Running Unarmed into a School

The Route Not Taken

By Howard Zaharoff, March 5, 2018

Two roads diverged on my Google Maps, And sorry I could not go where both led And drive one Tesla – lousy app! – I looked down one as shown on my lap To where … Read moreThe Route Not Taken

Berlioz at Boston Symphony: Notes on the Notes on the Program

By Howard Zaharoff, January 17, 2018January 17, 2018

Boston Symphony Orchestra, Week 15, 2016-17 Season: Hector Berlioz, Symphonie fantastique “Episode from the life of an artist,” Opus 14 Notes on the Notes on the Program Berlioz: “I only knew him from his language … Read moreBerlioz at Boston Symphony: Notes on the Notes on the Program

Observations on an Italian Summer Sojourn

By Howard Zaharoff, August 25, 2017August 26, 2017

We survived our Italian summer – it was tough, but someone’s got to do it! It’s hard to learn even the most basic tourist phrases of another language (hello; excuse me; pardon the fart; where … Read moreObservations on an Italian Summer Sojourn

Politically Correct Motion Picture Ratings

By Howard Zaharoff, June 27, 2017July 5, 2017

MPAA film rating system updated for an era of polarization and the politically correct. G – General Audiences. All politics accepted. Nothing too offensive to conservatives or liberals. Lassie may come home. Miracles may occur … Read morePolitically Correct Motion Picture Ratings

Books Not Currently on the President’s Nightstand

By Howard Zaharoff, May 14, 2017

Here are some books we can be pretty sure are not being read by President Trump: The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama The Everything Guide to Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Professional, reassuring advice for coping … Read moreBooks Not Currently on the President’s Nightstand