[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Governor Rick Scott Just Says No to ‘Dopeheads’ in Florida

“They can’t fool me, I’ve seen ‘Reefer Madness!'” – Gov. Rick Scott

Florida Governor Rick Scott says he is on the side of the law that says “No” to drugs. Therefore, he will be voting no on Amendment 2 come November 4.

Gov. Rick Scott just says no dopeheads.
Gov. Rick Scott, thrilled to see more bugs he can snatch with his lizard-like tongue.

“This is being fueled by a bunch of dopeheads, and I just can’t have that in my state,” said the eerily calm and reptilian-looking Scott.

Rick Scott said he is aware of the danger of pot, having seen “Reefer Madness” and “Marihuana” (both made in 1936 — years before he was even born). The governor said his older colleagues rented the movies for him to watch, to drill into him the serious nature of the plant commonly known commonly as cannabis or marijuana.

After watching the films, Scott stated, “Gee, I didn’t know they spelled it with an ‘h.’ Is that a Mexican thing and should I be aware of it?”

Asked if his stance would change, should he or a member of his family get cancer or any other serious ailment which might warrant the use of medical marijuana to treat, Scott replied, “Well if you put it that way.”

Then he emitted a strange little guffaw, and explained that he and his family are impervious to human ailments, since they are reptilian, adding, “Oh, and by the way, we also have the best health care available in the state of Florida.”

“We’re good, I think,” said Gov. Rick Scott, “but if I develop any kind of back pain, I’ll go to the doc and get some pills the legal way. Or just catch some nice healthy bugs to eat, that always makes me feel great!”

P. Beckert