The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews ‘The Sisterhood’

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the “Sisterhood.”

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

sisterhood, sarah palin donkeyhotey
Sarah Palin, image by donkeyhotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are the “Sisterhood,” former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, comedienne Roseanne Barr and comedienne Whoopi Goldberg.

BARR

Let me start by telling everyone that I’m not a racist. I love black people. Some of my best friends are black.

GOLDBERG

Like who?

BARR

Oprah, Omarosa, Whoopi.

GOLDBERG

That’s me, you idiot!

BARR

Oh, sorry. I’m on Ambien and stuff.

PALIN

Yep. You are an idiot. Whoopi’s not black, she’s Jewish. The name Goldberg? Duh.

JERRY

We have a crisis at the southern border that was caused by Trump. There are families being torn apart. Children separated from their parents. Why aren’t they being granted refugee status? They fled from violent gangs and coyotes in Central America.

BARR

I had my television show Roseanne cancelled and you’re worried about a bunch of gang bangers? And I seen coyotes howling in my backyard. I don’t complain.

PALIN

I’ll protect you, Roseanne. I love shootin things. You betcha.

GOLDBERG

Well, you shot Senator John McCain in the foot when you ran with him for vice president in 2008.

PALIN

Big mouth. Weren’t you Buckwheat in The Little Rascals? I thought you were funny back then.

GOLDBERG

(annoyed) Sure I was. And who were you when you were little? Rosemary’s baby?

PALIN

Let me get back to ya. I need to check my birth certificate.

JERRY

The Trumpster is palling around with dictators Putin and Kim. He’s clueless as to the repercussions for the United States.

PALIN

Oh, don’t get your panties in a wad. I can watch Putin from my backyard up there in Alaska.

BARR

And I can keep my eye on that fat little fella Kim from my farm in Hawaii.

GOLDBERG

(sarcastic) I feel safer already, girlfriends.

JERRY

Trump stopped war games on the Korean peninsula. Now we won’t be prepared for an invasion by the North Koreans agains South Korea.

JERRY

Roseanne. Put on your thinking cap.

BARR

I’m always thinkin.

JERRY

Careful now. Don’t let you brains go to your head.

JERRY

Why do North Koreans hate basketball?

BARR

Because they’re short?

JERRY

No. They spend 20 hours a day making them.

GOLDBERG

Ha, ha, ha.

JERRY

Okay, funny lady. Why was Cinderella thrown off the girls basketball team?

GOLDBERG

Cinderella was really a dude?

JERRY

No. She ran away from the ball.

PALIN

Explain it to me. The old noggin is on vacation.

JERRY

Here’s something for you to think about. What do you call a gassy Russian?

PALIN

Hmmm. It’s comin, don’t rush me. (pause) A private tutor?

BARR

I was gonna say Vladimar Tootin.

JERRY

Wow! We have a three way tie. Tell the ladies what they just won, Johnny.

JOHNNY

(game show announcer voice) You will be going on a Space X rocket ship to Mars! Thanks to the innovative people at Tesla, you’ll be riding first class in the nose cone of this half ton wonder. Floating lifelessly as the space ship passes your favorite stars in the galaxy.

PALIN

Hey, Johnny. Will I see George Clooney? He’s a hunk.

GOLDBERG

Not as good lookin as my man, Denzel.

BARR

I like Meat Loaf.

PALIN

You betcha. Real yummy served with mashed potatoes and peas.

JOHNNY

And once you arrive on Mars. You’ll be staying at the luxurious Trump Lunar Hotel. Martians rate it a five star. Donald Trump and Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who were deported from Earth have a new job of arresting illegal aliens. What a thrill watching.

BARR

I’m outta here, Johnny.

PALIN

But you won’t get to see a cow jump over the moon.

JERRY

Thanks, Johnny.

JOHNNY

Wait, Jerry. I leave you with words of wisdom from our educators in America. A teacher wrote on the blackboard: “I ain’t had no fun in months.” Then asked the class, “How should I correct this sentence?” Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, “Get yourself a new boyfriend.”

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.
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