[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Jezt in Time: Corbyn Makes Socialist Unity Pact with White Nationalist BNP!

And now, from our British Faux News Dept: Britain’s Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn makes pact with White Nationalist BNP.

Misery loves company…

So why not have an electoral pact between the radical socialist BNP and the radical socialist Labour Party? What could possibly go wrong?

Jeremy CorbynThe recent national/international socialist pact between two of Britain’s most widely-despised borderline Marxist/Hitlerite parties had a sumptuous banquet of Newcastle Brown Ale and quinoa (I bet both parties were pretty pleased then!) But the REAL cat ‘n’ dog meat was the spicy announcements afterwards, as ol’ Corbiebums went out grinning like a not-quite-flayed-to-the-fuckin-marrow-yet Cheshire cat, with Griffin glaring coldly like a cut salmon who’d just undergone some 12 hour sexually-diverse Bullingdon Club initiation ritual with David Cameron.

Mate, we’ve got it sorted!

Nefarious Nick dribbles, wide-eyed, wacko, like some love-stoned Cyclops who can’t find his fabulous-favourite-fabled rock o’ kink. LULZ!

Griffiebaby continues…

Look sweetheart, I always used to think Jeremy Corbyn was, you know, some kind of unpatriotic, disloyal fucking Marxist TRAITOR… But not any more!

Because after all… Just like millions of perceptive and widely renowned political geniuses and intellectual leading lights, such as former Grand Wizard of the KKK David Duke, Hamas, ISIS, Gary Lineker’s genius political commentary stablemate Neville Southall, the “British” Communist Party, Ronnie from Eastenders, the Muslim Brotherhood, Russell Brand, Kim Jong Un, cutting edge Brummie reggae Legends UB40, well-famed bangin’ choons peddler Stormzy, Hizbollah, innumerable towering intellectual heavyweights of Hollywood and sundry West End luvvies (including no less than aspiring Realpolitik super-genius Danny DeVito!) and of course, my personal favourite, the Daily Stormer… Well yeah, I just came to see social justice and subordinating all mere petty, particular and peculiar INDIVIDUAL interests to the Greater Good was a winning deal, and that’s exactly what Corbyn offers! I mean, I just cannot for the life of me (or my VERY considerable intelligence) CONCEIVE of how I didn’t think of it before!

Or indeed me AS WELL AS my various comrades and more or less NOTABLE political and intellectual ancestors…

The charismatic, MacMillanite oratory of Ol’ Griffybums lowered to a menacing, equivocal murmur towards the end.

Jez sez:

Look, sometimes you just have to deal with people with whom you profoundly disagree. That’s why I have “friends in the BNP!”

Griffin, looking mildly perturbed and bewildered for a change, as if he had ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT HE WAS DOING (not like him!), blinked:

We disagree?

Corbyn shrugged in his customary “heart” felt “embarrassment,” and said:

No idea. The last thing we want is socialist comrades to get consumed and set utterly ablaze with rampant embittered, nit-picking splitty behaviour and the petty narcissism of small differences.

Well, not that that’s EVER FUCKING ACTUALLY HAPPENED anyway, at any remotely imaginable point in history, of course…!

The final word?

Here’s Nick!

Well look here, matey! It’s not like me and Jez have any real irreconcilable differences; any more than we do with Hamas and Hizbollah. We hate capitalism, we despise warmongers and all these evil, bloodthirsty, remorselessly cruel mass murderers (well unless it’s OUR KOMRADS, of course; and I suppose it’s a completely different matter then, isn’t it!), we all want to nationalise the trains and make them run on time, we’re both completely all-or-nothing about immigration, inclusion, tolerance and diversity, and we are all 100% committed to fighting the evil Zionist media conspiracy against us! I mean, how could we EVER POSSIBLY FALL OUT?!

Originally published on Glossy News.

Jonathan Ferguson