The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews The Trump Brothers

Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews the president’s sons, Trump brothers Don Jr and Eric.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are the president’s sons, Trump brothers Don Jr and Eric.

Trump brothers DonkeyHotey
Trump brothers. Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning, fellas.

DONALD TRUMP JR

I’m stupid to be on this show.

JERRY

How stupid are you, Don Jr?

ERIC

I’ll tell you, Duncan. He’s so stupid, the klutz tripped over a cordless phone.

DON JR

Yeah. I remember that night. Ended up in emergency with a broken foot.

DON JR

But still not as stupid as you, Bro.  When you were in college, you sold your car for gas money.

ERIC

I was learning about business. Dad reported the car stolen and got insurance to fork over a check. We came out ahead on that deal.

JERRY

Eric, you’re 35 years old. Both you and your sister Transylvania…

ERIC

It’s Ivanka, numb nuts.

JERRY

I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

JERRY

Okay, so I missed a few letters. You three imbeciles are under investigation by the U.S. Attorney in DC for the Trump inauguration. You jacked up the prices for hotel rooms, rentals and vendors.

ERIC

We Trumps call it business.

JERRY

Like the time your 42 year-old brother over there concealed hush money payments and reimbursement checks to attorney Michael Cohen. All because your dad couldn’t keep his pecker in his pants.

DON JR

You’re lying.

JERRY

Why?

DON JR

He’s so pudgy that there was no room in his underwear. Fake news.

JERRY

In 2016, you held a meeting at the Trump Tower with a Russian lawyer to get dirt on Hillary Clinton. You lied and said it was about adoptions.

DON JR

What can I say? I still carry around a picture of the Guatemalan kid who came with my wallet.

Donald Trump bursts through the studio door.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP

Did someone say guacamole? If you got the salsa, I’ll bring the tortilla chips.

JERRY

But it’s Mexican. You don’t like Mexico.

PRESIDENT

I don’t wanna taco bout it.

JERRY

Trumpster. What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer?

PRESIDENT

Have no idea.

JERRY

Arriba McEntire.

PRESIDENT

She sucks. I like that other country singer Shania Twang. Very hot, very hot.

DON JR

Do you think I should date her, dad?

PRESIDENT

It was my idea. Get out of here before I take away your allowance.

ERIC

I’m the wise son, daddy. That’s why I was a judge on The Apprentice.

PRESIDENT

You’re not smart, Eric. You got me in trouble when you shifted our money from St. Jude’s Research Hospital to other Trump businesses. That’s why I couldn’t make a commercial where I hug a bunch of sick kids with Marlo Thomas. Cost me votes, cost me votes.

JERRY

What’s the game plan for the 2020 campaign?

PRESIDENT

My boys and I are going to rile up the base. We have lots of themes.

JERRY

Like?

DON JR

“Four More Years Of Bullying.”

PRESIDENT

I like that. Very good.

ERIC

“It’s Darkness Again In America.”

PRESIDENT

Definitely. What about “Bad Days Are Here Again?”

DON JR

Not catchy enough.

DON JR

I got it. “Making The World A Worse Place.”

PRESIDENT

Beautiful. Our themes in 2020!

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

The following two tabs change content below.
Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.