[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Ted Nugent Flies Into Rage Over Romney Gaffe

Ted Nugent blasted the Republican Party’s nominee for President today calling him “a sorry-ass excuse for a Confederate leader” after hearing Romney pronounce his name wrong several times at a fundraising event.

Ted Nugent
"It's the NUGE, you stooge!" screamed Nugent.

“It’s the Nuge, the Nuge…THA NOOOOOGE” screamed Nugent at a big-screen television he was watching at one of his favorite watering holes in Texas. “There’s no “D” in Nuge. I’m not a fuc*ing nudge, you freakin’ moron,” he yelled, continuing his tirade.

With that, the Nuge, or Uncle Ted as he likes to be called when in his other polar state, got out his cell phone and speed-dialed Romney to give him a lesson in pronunciation.

He was overheard saying, “Ok, yeah, yeah, nice to speak to you too, turd brain. Now listen…What? No, I said turd brain. It’s not raining here. I didn’t call about the weather.” (pause).

Then Ted Nugent continued, “If I wanted a fuc*ing weather report from fu*king who-knows-where-man, I’d have asked for one. Now look you dimwitted dinkwad, I just want to…no, Willard freakin’ Scott, it ain’t snowing here either…”

And then, “Let me talk to the little lady…thanks…Hi, Ann?” said Nugent into the phone. “Listen tell that dim bulb husband of yours to stop calling me the Nudge, you got it? This is the tenth time this week I’ve had to call him. It’s a little excessive, don’t you think?” (pause, listening).

“OK Ann, I understand, sorry to have bothered you,” and with that, Ted hung up and turned to his bar mates.

“She thinks I call too much…that I ask for too many favors, and, if you can fu*king believe it, wants me to stop bringing my guns to the dinner parties.”

The Nuge then finished his beer and walked into the night mumbling, “What is this fu*king world coming to?”

In somewhat related news, Dick Cheney was caught calling Romney last week on his cell phone while waiting for dinner at his favorite exotic meat restaurant, The Serengeti Warehouse.

“Hi Ann, is Mitt there? (pause) Hi Mitt…doin’ good, doin’ good. Pretty much back to my old self…Hey, listen, buddy, by any chance you got some free time to go bird hunting with me this month?”

P. Beckert