The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Rocky and Bullwinkle

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Rocky and Bullwinkle.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. Today on the show my guests are Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle J. Moose. Also known as Rocky and Bullwinkle.

rocky and bullwinkle
Rocky and Bullwinkle.

JERRY

Good morning my cartoon friends.

ROCKY

Hi Mr. Duncan.

BULLWINKLE

I listen to your show all the time. You’re amoosing.

JERRY

Rocky. I’ve always wondered how you catch a squirrel.

ROCKY

Climb up a tree and pretend to be nuts. In your case, no need to pretend.

JERRY

Shut up, you wannabe hamster. You’re getting old and feeble.

ROCKY

I’m only 62.

BULLWINKLE

Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.

JERRY

You fellas live in Minnesota. Right?

ROCKY

Yeah. Frostbite Falls. It’s so cold up here that you can eat soft serve ice cream directly from a cow’s udder.

JERRY

What do you do in your spare time?

BULLWINKLE

We’re magicians.

ROCKY

Well, I wouldn’t go that far.

BULLWINKLE

Hey Duncan! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!

ROCKY

Not that trick again.

BULLWINKLE

(tears off a shirt sleeve) Nothing up my sleeve. Presto!

(reaches hand into hat and pulls out Donald Trump) No doubt about it, I gotta get another hat!

DONALD TRUMP

The moose is trying to rig a magic trick and we can’t let that happen.

JERRY

Make the Trumpster disappear.

Bullwinkle takes out a magic wand and taps Trump’s head.

BULLWINKLE

Poof. He’s gone!

ROCKY

While Bullwinkle was doing magic, I got a text message from the FBI.

BULLWINKLE

Are they looking for recruits?

ROCKY

No. Boris and Natasha escaped from a prison near Frostbite Falls. We need to be in witness protection.

BULLWINKLE

Duncan, they threatened to kill us after we testified against them for spying. Boris shouted, “Squirrel stew and Moose pie” before he was taken to prison.

JERRY

Wow. This is great for ratings! Better than the OJ Simpson Ford Bronco chase.

ROCKY

The FBI believes Putin is with them.

JERRY

Even better. Do you know the difference between Trump and Putin?

ROCKY

In Russia, the president assassinates you?

JERRY

No. Putin knows how to win a U.S. election.

ROCKY

This threat isn’t the worst thing that’s happened to me.

JERRY

Oh? Then what is?

ROCKY

When I was a kid, the boys teased me and said I was “squirrely.” But here’s the worst. The girls would chase me around the playground shouting, “Squirrel, squirrel, who’s got the nuts?” One day a girl named Elvira kicked my balls so hard I ended up singing soprano.

JERRY

No wonder you have a high pitch voice.

BULLWINKLE

I’ll protect Rocky. I will gouge Boris and Natasha with my antlers. Those two are so mean they can’t even get a Happy Meal at McDonald’s.

ROCKY

Thank you, Bullwinkle. You’re my best friend.

BULLWINKLE

And you’re mine. If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Check out my new weekly series A Bit of Biden on Instagram and TikTok @abitofbiden.

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Dean Kaner
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