[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Anyone keeping an eye on the stock market is probably wondering what with all the turmoil in the world, gas prices nipping at the heels of $4 a gallon yet again, and unemployment numbers refusing to edge downward, how could the market be doing so well?
So we checked things out on the internet and found some signs that indicate we may be looking at yet another stock market crash:
10. Mark Zuckerberg just moved back in with his parents.
9. Warren Buffet marked “Buy New Zealand” off his bucket list.
8. Manhattan office buildings are being retrofitted with diving platforms.
7. Glenn Beck is now hawking apple futures (as in the fruit not the iPad) instead of gold.
6. There is a shortage of bubble soap.
5. Billionaires are robbing their own banks.
4. The Cayman Islands has been renamed New Haiti.
3. The Hunger Games is now a reality show.
2. Jim Cramer’s head exploded on live TV.
1. Mitt Romney is ahead 3 points in the polls.
While the last one isn’t a precise indicator the stock market is about to crash, it does have people asking themselves “Would I rather live in a post-apocalyptic world or a world where Mitt Romney has just been elected President of the United States?”
Latest posts by P. Beckert (see all)
- ‘Inauguration Roast’ to Replace Standard Swearing-In Ceremony - January 18, 2017
- Trump Resigns Over Mandatory Reading Assignments from DOD - January 2, 2017
- How the Trump Stole America: A Poem - December 29, 2016
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!