[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
The presidential debate chess match begins
It is just one day before the first presidential debate and folks in the Romney camp are already coming up with excuses why Romney may lose — not because of his ability as a master debater, but because of diversions that are leaving Romney unable to focus on the task at hand.
The excuses include everything from a sudden aversion to falling leaves to itchy underwear caused by Romney’s personal maid using a new detergent that they claim doesn’t leave their Boss’ drawers feeling Downy soft.
But the best excuse of all is coming directly from Mitt Romney.
“What president Obama is doing amounts to mentally challenging me to a duel,” said Romney on Monday as he came out of his preparations for the debates looking haggard and beaten.
“If I could choose the weapons, it sure wouldn’t be fake outs and false starts,” he said as his handlers looked completely puzzled.
Asked to elaborate, Romney merely replied that he will explain once he is elected President.
Obama said he hasn’t a clue what Romney is talking about and said that perhaps the blame lies in Romney’s debate stand-in, Ohio Senator, Rob Portman.
“Word on the street has it that Portman never got over the fact that Romney chose Ryan over him and, if anyone is trying to psyche Romney out, it’s Portman, not Obama,” claims a Democratic aide.
Meanwhile, Mitt Romney has blocked out a whole day to go to the spa on Tuesday, claiming that in order to do well on the debate stage, he has to look and smell his best or it just isn’t going to work for him.
Ray Jay’s Day Spa and Beauty Emporium in Denver was asked to comment, but they claim they were, in fact, passed over by Romney at the last minute for a spa in Boston.
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