CAC banner ad
WET River Trips
Humor Times subscribe

[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Millions of Extremely Important Tweets Lost to Ether as Twitter Goes Down Momentarily

Aug 062013
 
 By , August 6, 2013

The Day the Twitter-verse Stood Still

Millions of astute, insightful, earth-shaking and otherwise irreplaceable tweets were wasted today — lost forever to the recesses of the universe — as Twitter went down momentarily.

twitter goes down

One of the millions of bits of lost wisdom.

“How can I transmit timely tweets twixt Tweesha and Twyla when twitter goes twang?” asked Twiggy Twyford. “I feel like a twit.”

Some of the more significant pearls of wisdom lost to humanity on this fateful day include:

  • “Eww! Aw Naw! Just nasty! How can you get out of the shower and put on the same draws?!” — Attempted tweet by Sammy Samba, complaining to the twitterverse, yet again, about his roommate.
  • “Don’t eat ‘flaming hot’ monster munchies…they stink!” — This warning sadly will never be seen, condemning untold multitudes to stinky Monster Munch hell. (Double warning: Never eat while wearing a hoodie!)
  • “The web would gust not let me post a sinjle J — jood Jod! My keyboard is gammed. Gust WTF is joing on here? Jotta assume #twittersilence is still in effect for Js.” — Attempted post by a man who later found out his “G” and “J” keys got swapped in a prank by his office buddies.
  • “Twitter is down! I repeat, DOWN!” — Attempted warning to the twitterverse from a concerned twit.

Thank the internet gods, Twitter came back on within ten minutes. But the world has lost more than it could know.

“This is all Obama’s fault!” said Senator Orrin Hatch, age 79. “And what in tarnation is ‘twitter’?”

Exactly.

The following two tabs change content below.
avatar
The Humor Times founder/publisher/editor/writer may wear a lot of hats, but he likes it that way. Still, his favorite job is writing fake news articles. He is also a musician and songwriter, who plays guitar, mandolin and harmonica, with several CDs to his credit.

Like this content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!