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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

Melting Glaciers Making Really Nice Ice Cubes for the Inuit

Sep 202013
 By , September 20, 2013

Inuit determined to make the best of disappearing glaciers

GREENLAND — Glaciers located at the Earth’s poles continue to melt at a remarkable rate, alarming both scientists and layman alike.  Last year, the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice — approximately twice the size of Manhattan.

iceberg, glaciersAnd the Inuit couldn’t be happier.

Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefiting from global warming trends for quite some time.  Much of the ice that has been breaking off of these glaciers is going directly into their handmade water pouches.

“Oh yeah, it’s the yak’s pajamas,” said local fisherman Imnek.  “When life gives us lemons, we make glacially iced lemonade.”

Scientists at the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, though unanimous about the Earth’s rising temperatures, are not unanimous about its main causes.  Some contend that humans are entirely to blame, and other scientists are suggesting that the Earth is merely coming out of an ice age, and that greenhouse gases play only a minor role.

But, whether this current warming trend is the result of carbon emissions or not, the Inuit people remain unfazed.

“That’s right,” offered one level-headed yak herder.  “We just go with the floe.  If the Earth warms and waters rise, then we live in boats.  If it cools and everything freezes again, then the world is our igloo.”

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Jeff Boldt is an English teacher living in China and the writer and editor of Iron E-News, a website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world -- at times all too closely mirroring our own.

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