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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

‘Toys for Tots’ Goes Bust!

Dec 232013
 By , December 23, 2013

Newspaper typo turns local ‘Toys for Tots’ drive into a major traffic jam

What was supposed to be a run of the mill “Toys for Tots” Holiday event became anything but, when its full page ad declared “Toys for Tits.”

Toys for Tots mistaken for Toys For Tits

Honey Suckle, just another victim mistaking ‘Toys for Tots’ for ‘Toys for Tits.’

Word of the “event” spread quickly, causing two local strip joints to close completely.

Said Honey Suckle (we assume not her real name), “do you know how many hours I have to dance to get enough one dollar bills to buy my kids’ Christmas presents?” Lifting her shirt, Ms. Suckle added, “I figure these babies gotta be good for a Sony Playstation 4!”

The local fire department quickly arrived on the scene. When asked if there was a fire, the Chief shrugged and said, “There might be…”

Later in the day, the newspaper’s editor offered this apology: “we fired the boob, uh, idiot…”

In a related story, area toy stores reported their highest one day sales totals with most of the purchases to grown men in a rush to what they believed was the “Toys for Tits” event.

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Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of -- winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa's indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written and/or Produced for shows on FUSE, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO, XM/Sirius and Lifetime. In addition, he's written standup material that's been performed on Leno, Letterman, Conan, "Last Comic Standing," etc., Hobo Pancakes and Humor Times. Now, on to Paul's time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul's "Ripping the Headlines Today" columns here.)

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  • Smitros

    Show the, um, tots!

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