[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Local band primed for world domination
Local band “What Screams May Come” may have only practiced for a half-hour, but they are primed for world domination.
From the ashes of other local bands that includes Bring Me The Birthday Cake, Ginger Vitus, The Hard Grandmas, Pet Inventory, three stints in The Terrormarketers, and as a substitute bassist for the Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam tribute band the CoCo Pebbles…lead “moaner” David “Glazed” Hamm knew he was meant for so much more.
“These bands, bro…I wasn’t allowed to stretch my creativity. I felt I was being boxed in by their limitations,” Hamm told the Humor Times. “Just got tired of the BS, brocephus…so I got some guys together and was like, ‘Are y’all ready for supreme dictatorship?’”
Hamm recruited all members of What Screams May Come from the local Panera Bread, where he’s also employed. The 39 year old Hamm’s vision has been realized and he’s ready to book some gigs.
“We’re THIS good,” Hamm said. “We only ask $500.00 per gig. Our rider states that we just need a P.A., amps, musical instruments, and a venue. That’s it, broconomy!! We’re flexible.”
As of this writing, no one has yet booked What Screams May Come for a gig.
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