Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Steaks and seafood to be removed from food stamp use
And, go back to where they belong, as clothing items for Lady GaGa.
Robert De Nero is for Hillary Clinton as the next President
In bi-partisan spirit, I can’t wait to also not give a crap who Jon Voight’s for.
Large Hadron Collider restarts after two-year rebuild
Wouldn’t it have just been easier to pull the plug out and then put it right back in.
Barry Manilow is marrying his longtime boyfriend
Manilow’s gay? Who’s going to come out next? Anderson Cooper?
How Penn Gillette lost 105 pounds
He ditched Teller?
Rand Paul declares for U.S Presidency
In keeping with family tradition, his kids announced exploratory committees for losing campaigns in ’40, ’44.
Bill Clinton says he’ll take a back seat in Hillary’s campaign
The only question is: Whom will he be making out with in that back seat?
Khamenei accuses WH of ‘lying’ and ‘devilish’ intentions
Keep up that talk, Busta, and Boehner will invite you to speak to Congress.
Rand Paul’s website misspells education
Glad to know he hired Dan Quayle.
150 years ago this week the Civil War ended
Or, someday soon in Mississippi.
‘Rolling Stone’ retracts its U Va sexual assault story
What’s next? ‘Paperback Writer’ wasn’t the 66th all time best Beatle song?
Bill Gates sends letter commemorating Microsoft’s 40th anniversary
People are already complaining, it’s not as good as his Microsoft39 letter.