I’m Not Really Late for Work Because Time Is a Social Construct

Does anyone really know what time it is? Late excuse: time is a social construct.

Social Construct Dan Thompson flickr
Do we really need to be slaves to a social construct? Photo by Dan Thompson, flickr.com.

Attn: Florence, Human Resources. Re: I haven’t really been late for work.

Dear Florence,

I know that I have been written up for showing up to work consistently late for more than a year and that the Human Resources team is now involved, so I would like to take this time to defend my actions. In my defense, there is no way that I could possibly be late for work – and I’m not sorry about it – because time isn’t real. It’s all made up. It’s a social construct.

You and Georgina, my irritated manager, say that I’m supposed to arrive at work every day at 9am? But what is 9am? It’s just numbers on a clock – an obsolete piece of machinery with 12 numbers on it even though there are 24 segments in a day. What kind of arbitrary shit is this?

I see people having their Christmas trees up in July. People eat breakfast in the evening.

I believe it was Albert Einstein who said that time is relative. In other words, time is whatever we say it is.

And if time is a social construct, then we can argue that space is a social construct too, right? So, when my manager says that my desk is empty at 9am, is it? Is it really? My desk may be empty physically, but please believe me when I say that I’m sitting at my desk mentally as I’m sitting on the beach in Hawaii sipping pina coladas.

I guess what I’m trying to say, Florence, is that I cannot theoretically be late for work because time does not exist. There is no Monday morning staff meeting at 9am because there is no Monday and there is no 9am.

Yours truly,
The employee who is never at his desk, never on time, but none of that matters because time and space aren’t real, right?

Samuel Dunsiger
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