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New York City Subway and Sewer Rats Form Union

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

New York subway and sewer rats presented Mayor Adams with a petition from their newly-formed labor union.

There are 8 million stories in the naked city and currently there are over 2 million subway and sewer rats living there.

sewer rats
Posted by Jonothon Lyons, @jonothonlyons on Twitter.

On Monday afternoon, a rat delegation entered city hall and presented Mayor Adams with paperwork and petitions, putting him on notice that the rat population had formed a labor union.

A seven-pound brown subway tunnel rat dressed in a white tie and tails told the mayor that his name was Tyrone One, President of the newly formed International Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Subterranean Rodent Engineers Union.

Mr. One stated, “We aren’t the little meeces from the Huckleberry Hound Show. We are large and dynamic blue collar rats who number a quarter of the NYC population, and we demand rat rights and rat social justice.”

Among the demands the newly formed union put forth are cleaner working conditions, i.e. cleaner sewers and subway tunnels, rats in the town hall and all fire houses and police stations, and before any rat can be exterminated, he must be provided with a public defender.

One stated, “We demand rats in richer neighborhoods. We want Upper East side rats, Upper west side rats, Tribeca rats and Greenwich Village rats.”

The union also demanded that former NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio be prosecuted for war crimes, for his much heralded “War on Rats” campaign.

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Ted Holland