The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Rupert Murdoch

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews News Corp CEO Rupert Murdoch.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. Today on the show my guest is News Corp CEO Rupert Murdoch.

Rupert Murdoch DonkeyHotey
Rupert Murdoch. Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning, Rupert.

RUPERT MURDOCH

Is it? I’m 92 years old. Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story. I always say, “At 40, success is having money. At 80, success is not pooping in your pants.”

JERRY

You have a interesting story to tell. Inherited daddy’s business in 1952 and expanded the empire to include hundreds of newspapers like The Wall Street Journal, The Sun, and New York Post. And other media like Fox News. Bringing your net worth to $21.7 billion dollars.

RUPERT

Yep. I’m a rich man.

JERRY

With a checkered past and present.

RUPERT

Fake news.

JERRY

No, Rupster. In 2011, you faced allegations of hacking phones of British celebrities like Prince William and actor Hugh Grant over a long period of time. Prince William was only 19 years old.

RUPERT

Yeah. But William was dating hot babes that I wanted. And Hugh had the best hoes. Okay. I’ll confess I was jealous.

JERRY

As a result of your buffoonery, you were forced to resign as director from News International.

RUPERT

Everyone makes a mistake.

JERRY

That wasn’t the first time. In 1987, you were accused of collusion with Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher’s Conservative Party in Great Britain to damage the British trade union movement. Dismissed workers accepted a $60 million dollar settlement from you.

RUPERT

(mocking)

Boo hoo hoo.

JERRY

Hey. You just had another big headache. A $1.6 billion dollar defamation lawsuit by Dominion Voting Systems against Fox News that you settled out of court for $787.5 million. Money is accountability, pal. It was an admission of guilt that Fox lied to their viewers about a rigged election.

RUPERT

I’m the real winner, Duncan. Don’t have to make a public apology nor do my peeps that host the Fox News shows… Maria “balloon lips” Bartiromo, Tucker “toupee” Carlson, and Sean “bonehead” Hannity.

RUPERT

I stand by the first amendment. The right to free speech.

JERRY

What is not protected is “the knowing false of the calculating lie.” I watch Law and Order.

RUPERT

My peeps had to say those things to cover Trump’s claims of fraud. They were just reporting the news.

JERRY

The judge ruled that those statements by Fox News hosts were false.

RUPERT

The hosts are mentally ill. Everybody knows it.

JERRY

Sorry. There’s no insanity defense in defamation law.

RUPERT

Okay, Perry Mason.

JERRY

Your problems are not over by a long stretch. Smartmatic, another voting machine company is suing Fox News for billions of dollars claiming your reporters said on the air that their machines were rigged. This is a bigger defamation lawsuit than Dominion.

RUPERT

Got any Tylenol? My head is about to explode.

JERRY

Switching topics. Let’s talk about your five marriages. Why didn’t any of them last?

RUPERT

My wives sued for divorce, because they said I couldn’t get an erection. I had evidence to the contrary, but my wiener wouldn’t stand up in court. My wives were much younger, so I told my shrink after the last divorce that I want to stop aging.

JERRY

And?

RUPERT

He gave me a gun.

JERRY

Rupster. What’s the difference between a washing machine and Fox News?

RUPERT

I don’t know.

JERRY

No difference. They both spin dirty laundry until it smells better. Rupert Murdoch everyone. See you tomorrow.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

Dean Kaner
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