Minnesota Mayor Talk Radio Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Mayor Oleg Svendberg in International Falls, Minnesota.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today I’m broadcasting from International Falls, Minnesota. My guest is Mayor Oleg Svendberg.

MAGGIE DUNCAN

And your mother.

JERRY DUNCAN

I’m an orphan. You died.

MAGGIE

I forgot.

OLEG SVENDBERG

(thick Minnesota accent) Oh ya. I see dead people. You betcha.

JERRY

Tell me. Why would anyone live in International Falls? The average winter temperature is 28 degrees.

OLEG

Shucks, I’m not worried. There’s a rumor that summer may last for a weekend next year. I’ll be bringin out the ole swim trunks, Duncan.

JERRY

It’s a strange place. I understand you ban rectal thermometers.

OLEG

Yep. Causes brain damage. Scientologists say it’s a result of eatin too much moose dung.

JERRY

Is that good?

OLEG

(laughs) Depends. Last week a moose walked into the Polar Bear Bar. He asked the manager if a stool was taken.

JERRY

You won’t be laughing when I crack your head. Wait a second, it’s already cracked.

OLEG

You betcha. But we have a good education system. Everybody in town makes use of their high school diploma.

MAGGIE

How?

OLEG

They’re on car windshields in handicap parkin.

MAGGIE

My head is ready to explode. Is there a good fishing spot you recommend? We brought our gear.

OLEG

You mind if I go with? I’m fallin for you hook, line and sinker, Maggie Duncan.

MAGGIE

(giggles)I’m flattered. I might even be able to get past your intelligence. Sure, why not?

OLEG

It’s called Sink de Mayo.

MAGGIE

Isn’t that a Mexican name?

OLEG

Yep. This fella Jose Mayo came through town and drowned prit’ near 5 years ago. It’s a way of us folks payin our respects.

JERRY

Hey, Oleg.

OLEG

Ya?

JERRY

How do you get a man in International Falls to do sit-ups?

OLEG

Beats me.

JERRY

Put a remote control between his toes.

OLEG

Good idea, Duncan. I’ll bring that up at the next city council meetin. Geez, you’re smart.

JERRY

Before we go. I need to find Rocky and Bullwinkle.

OLEG

Oh, them two died years ago. I named my pet rock after Rocky. Not because it’s a rock, but because it has difficulty speakin.

JERRY

Mayor Oleg Svendberg and my mother Maggie Duncan.

MAGGIE

Thank you for calling me mother, Jerry. You’re my favorite child.

JERRY

Your only child. Now get me a beer so I can forget.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.