[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, Paul Ryan…Ryan O’Neal?

As we all know by now, Mitt Romney has selected Paul Ryan as his running mate. Many Republicans are coming forward and saying this is no coincidence due to Ryan’s close connection to Ayn Rand, while many more are just saying “we got rooked, big time.” Nevertheless, the ones who say this is no coincidence may be on to something.

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, Paul Ryan…Ryan O’Neal
Chalk board in cryptologist Lynn Guist’s office.

Well-known cryptologist, Lynn Guist has discovered a close connection to the names Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan, which if you rearrange the name Ryan would spell Ayn R., which, of course, would spell part of Ayn Rand’s name, the Ayn part being the most important because it is the most cryptic, according to the cryptologist aforementioned.

Guist claims he had to go back only to the late 60’s to find a meaning for Ayn Rand, then work his way forward to the present Paul Ryan.

“Ryan O’Neal is actually where I started my search,” said Guist. “But it made no sense until I researched the names Rand Paul and Paul Ryan. At that point I finally had come full circle to Andy Warhol, whose first name also contains the name Ayn,” he said while wiping a smudge from his wire-rimmed glasses. “Although for the life of me I could never figure out how the ‘d’ in Andy figured into the whole cryptic mess.”

Asked if he researched Andy Warhol because of the fact that Warhol had done a portrait of Ayn Rand and coincidentally of Farrah Fawcett, who just happened to be the girlfriend of Ryan O’Neal, Guist replied “No. It never really crossed my mind.”

“However,” he said, “had Warhol’s first name been Randy, then we’d be talking a whole different ball game, which, speaking of baseball, I wonder if Nolan Ryan, no, no, never mind,” he mumbled as he walked away.

P. Beckert