Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about “The Sopranos,” doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Famous booth from ‘The Sopranos’ final episode sells on eBay for $82,000
… Only problem, every meal ends disappointingly.
Florida surgeon general defies CDC recommendations as measles cases spread in the state
Coming soon to Disney World: ‘It’s a Smallpox World After all, After All.’
It’s National Multiple Personality Day
How are you?
And, you?
And, you?
Biden SOTU Speech receives high marks
And, two people had a happy ending: Biden for finishing a terrific speech and whomever sat next to Laureen Boebart.
The 2024 Oscars In Memoriam was a slap in the face to so many
Sounds like the 2024 Oscars In Memoriam will be in the 2025 Oscars In Memoriam.
Happy 59th Birthday, Dr Dre
… He’s now officially a member of NWAARP
Nikki Haley suspends Prez bid
… Pushing Dean Philip’s announcement right off page 10 of the newspapers.
Mike Tyson and Jake Paul will go toe-to-toe on July 20th at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas
If they hit anything like the Cowboys do, no one’s gonna get hurt….
Russian troops use Chinese-made golf carts for assaults
… No wonder an hour later they feel like attacking again!
Miami-Dade County moves to evict Miami Seaquarium. And gives park until April to vacate.
Sounds fishy …
Americans having sex to save on heating bills amid surging utility costs
And they say romance is dead!
A syphilis outbreak is plaguing Las Vegas
Hey, you play the slots, you take your chances.
Wayward 450-pound pig named Kevin Bacon hams it up for home security camera
He’s 306 degrees separated from being delicious.
Santos to make surprise appearance at Capitol for State of the Union
Well, he is the Speaker, or so he says …
- Ripping The Headlines Today, 10/30/24 - October 30, 2024
- Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/24/24 - October 24, 2024
- Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/14/24 - October 14, 2024