Argus Hamilton Comments on the News: Umbrella-gate & More!

Triggering “Umbrella-gate,” President Obama called in the Marines Thursday to hold an umbrella over his head during his Rose Garden press conference. Let’s face it. We just don’t have the military capability to protect our Middle East diplomats and the president’s suits at the same time.

President Obama was buffeted by scandals on Benghazi, the Justice Department, IRS targeting of opponents Friday, and of course, Umbrella-gate. It’s weird. If we didn’t know Barack Obama’s father was black and his mother was white we’d think his mother was black and his father was Nixon.

President Obama held a news conference in the Rose Garden Thursday. The scandals are starting to get to him. While denying responsibility for last fall’s disaster in Libya the president wagged his finger and said he did not have sex with that woman Ben Gazzara.

President Obama denied knowledge of the Inspector General’s report Thursday when asked if he knew the IRS was targeting political enemies. It was immediately obvious to every person in the country he’d sidestepped the question. There’ll never be another Bill Clinton.

The Beverly Hills Hotel has started serving High Tea at four o’clock in the afternoon for Los Angeles society groups. It includes a harpist and crumbcakes. The first three groups of ladies were carried off in paddy wagons after the IRS got wind of the tea parties.

U.S. Senator John Cornyn revealed the IRS softball team canceled their game with his Senate office’s softball team amid tensions over the IRS scrutinizing conservatives. The IRS should take the softballs while they can get them. The questions only get tougher from here.

Mitt Romney agreed to serve as advisor to a San Diego-Tijuana trans-national bid to host the Olympic games. It boasts compelling venues. There’s a twenty-foot-high fence between the two cities, and the barbed wire will make the pole vaulting event must-see TV.

David Beckham was named the world’s top-earning athlete by Forbes Tuesday with fifty million dollars in earnings last year. He won’t do as well next year because he just announced that he is retiring. He is giving up underwear modeling to focus on soccer.

CBS News reported Thursday that residents in the Gaza Strip are paying smugglers thirty dollars each to bring buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken from the nearest KFC in Egypt through a tunnel into Gaza. KFC executives are thrilled. The boneless chicken is a hit.

The White House expressed alarm over a Texas gunmaker who showed it is possible to make a plastic handgun with an office printer that’ll fool metal detectors. Everyone relax. It’s a printer for crying out loud, it’ll refuse to work one week after you’ve bought it.

The New York Post reported that Tiger Woods showed up drunk at a New York charity ball two weeks ago. Let him enjoy himself. This year Tiger decided to reduce his number of tournaments to spend more time with his family, and by family he means old Grand Dad.

O.J. Simpson testified Thursday that he was drunk when he robbed a Las Vegas sports collector in a hotel room four years ago. The facts of life in today’s world are dawning on him. You kill two people you get nothing, but steal your own jersey and it’s life in prison.

China’s government announced Wednesday it will no longer buy recycled trash from the United States. It’s an insult that underestimates the American character. When we watch Dallas, Dynasty, and Baywatch re-runs in our own homes we squabble over which one is the worst, but when the shows are attacked from abroad, we rally together and fight.