Why, Exactly, Did the Octomom Feel the Need to Get Artificially Inseminated?

The ‘Octomom’ probably wouldn’t have had much trouble getting inseminated naturally

Yes, this is a picture of the Octomom, aka Nadya Suleman, she of the cheaper by the dozen fame, having given birth to the near world’s record of eight live and surviving births all at once.

The Octomom posing.

As you can see from the photo, she definitely looks like a fertile breeding ground. She probably would not have had much trouble getting a real insemination from just about any post-puberty male who is not seriously gay or seriously pelvicly damaged. That would probably include any male passerby’s on the beach the day the photo was taken who had nothing against a quickie in broad daylight.

Any truly male eye will notice that Ms. Suleman successfully fills the worn bikini to the fullest dimensions for which it was manufactured. And not in a bad way. No, not at all.

The Octomom has passion-ready contours that could very well have graced the pages of any number of men’s magazines which, if her address and phone number were posted along with the pictures, could have resulted in any number of volunteers who would have gladly helped her to cultivate eight fetuses that could then have been harvested in a more timely and orderly fashion.

Of course, whatever natural insemination that could have taken place would probably never have caused the media storm that followed her controversial birth (and birth, and birth and birth times two) and would also probably have never resulted in eight pregnancies all at once unless the guy happened to be Hercules.

So, instead we are left with a huge, fatherless family who will probably all end up on the public dole in one fashion or another. Sadly, it could probably have been prevented by one horny guy whose penile gratification would have saved us from a lot of trouble and probably would have also done Ms. Suleman a lot of good too.

Oh well, at least she is famous.

Roger Freed